Month: February 2012

Something More; Seven Steps to Creating a Spiritual Life

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living SeriesLeave a comment

Seven Steps to Creating a Spiritual Life

Do you sometimes feel that you are living someone else’s life?  A life that is not genuine or authentic?  Do you yearn for something more than what you have?   Do you find yourself longing for a life that is full of purpose, of meaning; a life where you feel as if your physical existence and soul purpose are in alignment; where you are living the sort of life that you were meant to live?

Many people do.  And many people try to fill that gap in their life; that need for meaning and purpose with whatever it is that has made them feel good in the past.  This could be anything from food, alcohol, excessive exercise and nicotine to sex, marijuana, extreme sports or hard drugs.  It doesn’t matter for it’s all the same. That is to say that there is nothing wrong with most of these things in the right place or time, but when you begin to use them as a means of filling that gap; that is when those things become a problem. The thing is that there is a better way.

You can create that purpose and meaning in your life by living a spiritual life.

No, living a spiritual life does not mean that you have to go get yourself a religion.  It does not even mean that you have to pick a particular tradition and stick with it.  No.  What living a spiritual life means is that you are taking those things that you instinctively know in the deepest part of your soul to be right and true; and are incorporating them into your everyday reality.

You are finally living from your heart.

It is not an easy thing to live from your heart.  In fact, sometimes it can take all of your strength and test your resolve to the point that you wonder if it is really worth it or if it wouldn’t by far be easier to go back to living the way that you were; the life that you had.

But if you are truly committed to living a more fulfilling and authentic life; to bringing your reality into alignment with your soul purpose, then below you will find seven steps that should help you in putting together more spiritual life; one where you are living your beliefs so that you can become the person you were truly meant to be.

Seven Steps to Creating a Spiritual Life

Step #1:  Practice Everyday Mindfulness.  In the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness “means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and non judgmentally.”  This can be an extremely difficult (though not impossible) thing to do.  And there are a number of ways to bring your attention to the here and now; to what is happening at this particular point in time.    (For more information on mastering everyday mindfulness, click HERE).

Step #2:  Practice Emotional Mindfulness.  Emotional mindfulness is different than everyday mindfulness.  In practicing everyday mindfulness you are paying attention to what is happening around you without; allowing it to be exactly what it is without judgment and without trying to change it.  Emotional mindfulness is a tad more difficult.  Emotional mindfulness is learning to pay attention to your thoughts.  Emotional mindfulness is learning to screen your thoughts and beliefs for any self-sabotaging patterns and replacing them with those that will bring your thoughts into alignment with who and what you really are.  (For more information on mastering emotional mindfulness, click HERE).

Step #3:  Take Time to Pray.  It has been said that prayer is the art of communication; of speaking to creation. Whether you believe that you are speaking to God, the Universe or your higher self, know that it is the presence with whom you converse that brings to you all of the circumstances and experiences that make you your life. If you want to bring certain things into your life, then it is important to be very clear on what it is that you want so that this presence knows exactly what to bring to you. Unclear or unspecific requests will bring unclear results.  If you are grateful for those things that you already have, don’t be afraid to say it!  In fact, expressing gratitude actually opens you up for more blessings as you make yourself into a magnet for everything that you want by BEING what it is that you are looking for.

Step #4:  Take Time for Meditation.  Whereas prayer is the art of communication with the divine, meditation is the art of listening.  Think about it, it does absolutely no good to ask a question if you aren’t willing to listen for an answer.  All the prayer in the world isn’t going to help if you aren’t open and ready for the answers that you are given. Meditation does not necessarily mean that you have to sit in a full-lotus position for hours every day.  Meditation takes many forms, but the most important thing to remember is that the true nature of meditation is the art of learning how to LISTEN; to your thoughts, your mind, your soul, your body.  You can meditate sitting down, standing up, lying in bed or even walking down the street.  (For more information on how to meditate, click HERE).

Step #5:  Learn to Trust and Act on Your Intuition.  It is not enough to tell the Universe or higher self what it is that you want and then to listen to your heart and what it is telling you should do to achieve it.  You must also learn to act on the promptings of that inner voice; to trust what it is telling you enough to take the steps it suggests when it suggests taking them.  You may receive confirmation by the arrival of synchronistic events in your life.  Don’t ignore them!  (For more on the importance of synchronicity, click HERE).

Step #6:  Body Awareness.  Being in touch with your spiritual nature does you little good if you cannot live out your intentions.  For this reason it is important to pay attention not only to your diet and exercise, but to your body itself; its needs and wants and desires.  The body is what we have to work with in this physical reality and too many of us take it for granted.  Learn how to communicate with your body.  Learn how to listen to what it is trying to tell you.  Learn how to eat and exercise with awareness and intent.

Step #7:  Live Intentionally and Joyfully.  Living with intent and living joyfully are probably two of the most challenging – and rewarding things that you can do.  Unfortunately we live in a society where most of us live and exist on autopilot, rarely thinking about how what we are doing and how we are doing it is impacting our lives.  Most people are completely unaware of how the power of intent and the transforming energy of joy can change even the most mundane of tasks into a powerful affirmation of who and what we really are.  By using the art of mindfulness to focus on each task that we undertake and to bring our whole selves into the moment sanctifies what we are doing and makes it special; sacred even.  By taking joy in everything that we undertake we put all of life into a sharper focus.  And even the most mundane of activities suddenly takes on new purpose and meaning and becomes a part of a life lived from the heart.

The trick, you see, to creating a truly spiritual life is not to do – but to be.  By choosing to engage all of our senses; our mind, our body even in every task that we undertake from eating breakfast to our evening’s meditation and doing the dishes, by focusing our intent on every aspect of our lives; on bringing our everyday life into alignment with our soul purpose, by living joyfully and by putting all of this together we choose to live in accordance to our highest vision of who and what we really are and we can finally step forward knowing that our lives will finally reflect our true nature and purpose in life.

 

©Stephanie S. Henry 2012

Trailblazing vs. Tradition

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

It has been said that the path to spiritual enlightenment is like climbing a mountain.  This mountain has been climbed before and those who have successfully reached the summit describe the views from the top with such awe and wonder that those who have not yet scaled its heights are inspired to begin (or continue on with) their own journeys.

In fact, this mountain has been climbed by so many people throughout the ages that there are well-worn paths imbedded in the mountain’s face; some are worn deeper than others, carving niches right through solid rock from the passing of so many feet; while others are mere footpaths that tend to disappear whenever a thicket or stony ridge intrudes.

While it would be nice to think that each of these paths leads directly to the top of the mountain, the truth is that not all do.  Each promises to do so, but some meander in the backwoods or foothills forever or take you to false summits with views that are indeed lovely, but which are not quite what you were looking for.   This is why using the well-worn path that has been used by others over the ages; a path that takes you right to the top is such a common choice.

You would think that these paths; these well-worn, tried and true paths would be the logical choice when attempting to reach the summit.  After all, those who went before you succeeded by following this path.  It makes a certain kind of sense to follow in their footsteps, unless of course your heart is telling you differently.

You see, following in the footsteps of others; following every dip and turn in the path that they took might not be for everyone.  A particular path may wander through the foothills for a good while before tackling the mountain face itself.  At the time that the path was created this may have been necessary.  Perhaps the one striking out was not adept at mountain climbing and needed to acclimate themselves to the journey before undertaking a more strenuous segment of the trip.

Perhaps it takes certain twists and turns going around certain obstacles that have worn away over time, but those who are the keepers of the path insist that you not deviate from the path because even if the obstacle no longer exists because that is where the path leads.  Sometimes the path itself does not make any sort of sense.  Yes it gets you there eventually, but it backtracks and loops about unnecessarily.

What the people who follow these paths – and the keepers of these paths – tend to forget is that the path was once new.  The people who created that path did the best they could with the information they had.  They were plotting a course through uncharted territory because they saw something about the lay of the land; a river, a ridge, a chimney up the mountain face that promised a way to get to the summit faster, or more directly, or in a way no one had before.  What they fail to realize is that the people who first trod this path were trailblazers themselves; trailblazers creating a personal path that just happened to gain a following.  There are two young men whose stories tell us just how it happened.

There were once two young men who went looking for their own personal truths and inadvertently changed the world.  Both were raised in rich and ancient spiritual traditions; traditions where everyone had their place and purpose; where everything that one did was because it is the way that things had always been done and was the way that tradition said it was supposed to be.

Both of these young men balked at accepting the path with which they were presented in spite of the fact that to break with the traditions meant being ostracized from the society in which they had been brought up.  One became the man we know of as Buddha.  The other the man we know of as Christ.  Their discoveries and teachings would one day go on to touch the lives of millions.

Both of these young men’s deviation from their own traditions caused the creation of a new path; one that was right for them and which proved to be right for many others.  Unfortunately, the more people who trod these (and other) paths, the more they couldn’t imagine ever wanting to tread another path or (heaven forbid) strike out on their own, forgetting that they have the audacity of these young men in doing just that to thank for the tradition that they now adhere to.

And for some people, following in the footsteps of tradition is exactly what they need and provides them with a means of achieving their goal, and that is all fine and good and is to be commended.  But for others, the idea of following in a set path makes no sense when they can clearly see the summit ahead of them and are willing to do what it takes to make it their by their own means, especially if their heart is encouraging to do so.

Perhaps there is a reason that they feel the need to do this on their own.  Perhaps there is something they are supposed to see, or do, that they could not see or do if they stayed on the path.  Perhaps there is someone on another path that they are meant to interact with and will be guided to.

And maybe these trailblazers will start out on a well-worn path and then, when they come to a promising looking section, will take off on their own.  Perhaps they will parallel one or more of the deeper worn paths for a time.  Perhaps as they head off on their own they will encounter other paths which they will follow for a time (or for as long as they are headed in the direction they want to go).

No.  This does not mean that they will necessarily reach the summit, though the possibility is there.  Of course those who follow the well-worn traditions may not reach the summit either.  They may fall by the wayside, encounter a village on the mountain where they choose to live indefinitely, or give up and go home in defeat.

What it does mean is that they have a goal; a purpose that others might not be able to comprehend.  But don’t condemn them.  They want to reach the top more than anything; as much as those who are using the tried and true methods.  It’s just that in  listening to their heart they know that a specific path is not necessarily the right one for them.  They may not understand why, but that doesn’t make it wrong.  And so it is that they strike out on their own and create their own personal path to enlightenment.  Perhaps they will  flounder along the way.  Perhaps it will become only one of the many dim paths that crisscross the mountain’s face.  Or perhaps, a thousand years from now, it too will be a well-worn path in the mountainside.  But they were all new once upon a time, and someone had to be the first one to walk in a new way.

 

©Stephanie S. Henry 2012

What Waits in the Silence

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, Metaphysical Mussings1 Comment

We live in a very noisy culture.  No matter where we go we’re bombarded with noise from every angle.  Cities, with their continual traffic and sirens and construction; the voices of people every which way you turn; those are the worst. There’s no getting away from it.  But even those who live in the suburbs get treated to a continual bombardment of noise; trash trucks and mail trucks; delivery trucks and school busses, planes flying overhead.

In our homes too, we keep our televisions and radios playing continually both at home and in the car, and if we get stuck somewhere there isn’t music or movies, we have our Smartphones and our iPods to lend a soundtrack to our days.

Even when we turn all of these gadgets and gizmos off; even when the traffic stops, there is still the sounds of our plugged in electronics; the gurgle of the water in the pipes; the growl of the furnace as it kicks in; the hum of the refrigerator; the ticking of the wristwatch on your wrist.

Noise everywhere.

Most people don’t even notice the noise anymore; not unless it involves something unexpectedly sudden and loud, or unless they find themselves someplace where there isn’t any noise, or in a situation where all the noise suddenly stops.

My husband used to be active duty military, and for three years we were stationed on the Island of Puerto Rico.  I still remember the silence that descended on the town in the wake of the first hurricane we experienced; a hurricane that had completely disabled the power to our entire side of the Island.  It was silence; complete and total silence such as I’d never heard before.

The silence had a depth to it; a weight.  I could almost feel it like a living thing; waiting just beyond the range of my hearing, and I was suddenly (and forcibly) reminded of what it must have been like for the Spanish soldiers who were stationed there in 1508; thousands of miles from home and surrounded by jungle and with nothing but candles to push back the weight of the darkness.  It was breathtaking.

When a modern person is subjected to that sort of silence; to the solitude that comes from a total lack of connection with the outside world, they tend to get fidgety; nervous even.  Some even get downright angry and start showing all the classic signs of withdrawal.  When the power comes back on, they welcome it with open arms.

One woman I know nearly had a nervous breakdown being without her music and television and telephone for almost two weeks.  When I asked her, she told me that the silence frightened her because she was afraid of what it would tell her; of what she would hear; of the decisions it might ask her to make.  And that, you see, is the real problem.

Western society – for all its emphasis on progress and technology – has failed to provide one very important thing for its people; it has failed to give them a way to integrate their root spirituality with their everyday life.  In spite of the emphasis on religions and family values that you get in many industrialized societies, the mysteries of the world are kept at arm’s length and anything that can’t be proven by science is regarded with skepticism.

Deep in their hearts, however; deep in their hearts humanity knows that there is something more.  They know that they are not living authentically; that they have become disassociated with their true feelings; with their true selves.   They know this; they feel it in their bones; but they don’t know what to do about it.  They have no idea of how to integrate their spiritual self into their everyday life.  In fact, many have come to believe that this – what they can see and taste and touch and feel – that this is all there is because that is what science tells them is true.  But when the electricity stops they can actually hear their own soul voice, and it is telling them a different story.

It is telling them that what waits in the silence is their authentic self; the person that they were meant to be but never got around to becoming, and they are scared of how badly they want to get to know that person.  But most of all, they are scared of what getting to know them would mean; of the decisions it would require them to make and the changes it would entail.

And so when the power comes back on, they welcome it gladdly; relieved once again to have the noise that masks the truth that lies just beneath the surface of reality, if only they would stop long enough to see it; if only they could stay quiet long enough to listen.

 

©Stephanie S. Henry 2012

Mists of Misperception

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

I walked out my front door this morning and was confronted by the exotic and mysterious; a world where routine had been replaced by the shimmer of possibility and where everyday ordinary objects had been transformed into etheric shadow-selves; appearing and disappearing as if they were no more substantial than a mist.

Actually it was the mist that was the problem.  But it’s amazing the tricks that a thick, low-lying fog can play in your brain; the way it disconnects you from your normal perception of the world around you and instead presents you with the possibility of a world that may – or may not – be what you think it is.

In this world, my daughter took a dozen steps away from the front door and disappeared into a floating sea of possibility, becoming nothing more than a disembodied voice: “Mom, I just walked into the hedge.”

Okay, so that brought me around in quick order.  I grabbed my keys, found my car (and my daughter) and proceeded to drive her up to the bus stop, but even that was an adventure, for the headlights only cast enough light to see clearly a few feet ahead.

Driving like this you can’t be thinking about anything else.  You can’t be worried about what exactly it is that you just passed.  You can’t be distracted by the bear standing on the side of the road (Bear – what?!?  Oh, that’s right, that must be the neighbor’s new brick mailbox) and you can’t be worrying about what might be coming up on the road in the future.

Now is all that matters.  Now is all that IS.  You can only deal with what is put in your path at this precise moment in time.

I’ll give you a hint though; it helps if you drive slowly.  Trying to drive at your normal speed in the fog is just asking for trouble, especially if someone or something steps out in front of you; you’ll end up with a deer or a person (or the bear that turns out to be real after all) splattered across your radiator grill.  And no matter how much you’d like to be able to blame them it will be your fault for not driving at a speed that allows your brain to process what is resolving in front of you before you hit it.

Very much like life, wouldn’t you say?

We spend so much time worrying about the impact of things we’ve already done; fretting about what could be coming up in the future and how we’ll possibly manage to deal with it that we don’t bother to pay attention to what is directly in front of us.  We miss the moment.  And sometimes not paying attention comes with a price; the knowledge that yet again we’ve messed something up by barreling full-speed ahead instead of taking time to come to grips with the situation that was resolving around us but which we were too preoccupied to notice until it’s too late.

If we would just take the time to let our hearts and minds catch up to our actions it wouldn’t be a problem.  We might not get where we think we are going as fast as we’d like.  In fact, if we listen to our hearts we might not even end up at the place that we thought we were headed for.  But we’ll have ended up where we are supposed to be, and at the time that we are supposed to be there, and with no outstanding claims against our karmic driver’s insurance for reckless driving.

 

 

The Dance of Love

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

Has Valentine’s Day jaded you on the idea of love, or are you a die-hard romantic?  I have to admit, I can only deal with so much of the commercialized nonsense before I want to roll my eyes and wander off in pursuit of something more substantial.  But when it comes right down to it, what is more substantial than love?

Now, before you open your mouth to argue with me, keep in mind that I’m not talking about the synthetic version of love that is touted by Hollywood and romance writers.  Love has nothing to do with how attractive someone is, how much they buy you for Valentine’s Day or how great they make you feel in bed.  Those are pheromones and survival instincts talking.  That is the ego’s version of love; a version that is directly related to the body; to what makes you feel good and perpetuates the survival of the species.

(Side Note:  Interesting, isn’t it that humanity has adapted so easily!  It used to be that a woman who was looking for a mate; for a potential father for her children looked solely at the characteristics that would protect her and her children; broad shoulders, rugged features etc.  Things that said he was strong and virile.  Today she may still look at his features, but she also looks at his pocketbook)

No, what I’m talking about here isn’t the kind of love that you can rubber stamp inside of a greeting card or convey through a piece of jewelry.  The kind of love I’m talking about here; the substantial kind of love; is the kind of love that lasts a lifetime; that holds steady through all of life’s challenges and which – no matter what you throw at it, never diminishes.  In fact, it just keeps getting stronger.  It is this kind of love on which the Universe itself was built and which is represented best by the Hindu deities of Shiva and Shakti.

While the mystics of many religions emphasize the concept of divine love, and while some have a feminine aspect of God that is celebrated in one form or another, it is only in the Hindu tradition that God is seen as having two separate and distinct aspects; Male AND Female; each of which is absolutely necessary for life in the universe as we know it to exist.

Known as the Eternal Lovers or the original twin flames; Shiva and Shakti are the ultimate male and female aspects of God.  While some see them as actual beings, others see them as representing the most powerful and dynamic forces in the universe; consciousness and creation – energy and movement – life and love.

Shiva (the male aspect) is always seen as incredibly powerful.  He represents consciousness, potential, pure energy and life itself.  But by himself he is impotent, for all the power in creation is nothing if you don’t do something with it.

Shakti, on the other hand, is the power of creation.  She takes Shiva’s energy and transforms it into physical manifestation.  She is the wild energy that underpins all of creation and the love that ties everything together and which enables and encourages life to renew itself.

Without him, Shakti has nothing to work with.  Without her, Shiva could accomplish nothing.  Only by working together can they create something bigger than themselves; only together do they have the power to create life; a power that they have passed down to every living thing that they create.  Indeed, if the story of creation could be re-written, it might go something like this:

In the beginning there was nothing but God. And God, being alone, knew that the only way to create something more than itself; was to split itself into two pieces so that those pieces could combine and create something bigger than either of them by themselves could hope to be.  Male and Female created he them.  And so the dance of love began.

The Hall of Mirrors

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

 

“There are some minds like either convex or concave mirrors, which represent objects such as they receive them, but never receive them as they are.” ~ Joseph Joubert

When I first started college I had a full-length mirror that I had hung on the back of my dorm room door. Having a mirror there made practical sense; I could check how I looked on my way to class; make sure that I had zipped up my jeans and had put on matching socks (both things that I tended to overlook, especially if I was on my way to a 6:30 a.m. class).

The problem was that every time I glanced in that mirror it made me feel fat – bloated almost. I don’t care how good I felt before that; how energetic. It didn’t matter how good I knew I looked or how thin I knew I was, as soon as I glanced in that mirror I felt like I’d gained ten pounds. I felt heavy, sluggish and tired. Suddenly all I wanted was to crawl back into bed. I could almost feel my jeans getting tighter and my face puffing.

And then one day about six weeks into my first semester, a friend of mine stopped into my room, took one look in my mirror and said “What’s wrong with this thing? It makes everything look bloated!” She then proceeded to take the mirror off the door and peel off the backing; exposing the back of the mirror itself, which had, at some point in its manufacturing (whether due to pressure or just some defect), developed a slight convex curve that just barely distorted everything it reflected.

Chagrined I threw the mirror into the trash. It had all been a lie. I’d been trusting in the reflection of a distorted and defective mirror to tell me how I looked; letting what it showed me dictate how I felt instead of trusting to how I felt about myself; instead of trusting to how I knew my clothes looked on me. And then it occurred to me, how often we do this to ourselves.

Think about it. Here I was accepting the ‘truth’ of a mirror that was defective; a mirror that had developed a warp that made everything it reflected appear bloated slightly. But how often do we accept the truth about ourselves as reflected by those around us, by our friends, family and co-workers? In fact, doing so is a lot like accepting the truth of a fun house mirror; the kind that shows you all distorted. What do you think would happen if we accepted as reality the image that these mirrors presented to us? What kind of twisted monster would we think that we are?

And yet, there are those who say that those around us are our mirrors; that they reflect back to us our true natures and the true nature of our reality. While this may be the case with mirrors that have been well made; or with mirrors that have been recalibrated; and that take time to reflect a little before throwing back the image, it is not necessarily true of all of those we come in contact with.

While our interactions with others do serve as a sort of hall of mirrors, just as when we are observing ourselves in the distorted reflection of a fun house mirror, it is up to us to determine what it is that the reflection they cast is showing; to discern whether the reflection that we see is a true representation of who and what we really are; of our authentic self; or if it has been distorted by the mirror itself; by the prejudices and perceptions as well as the societal, religious and familial conditioning of the one doing the reflecting.

It is up to us to make use of the only mirror that we can trust; the only one that reflects us back to ourselves exactly the way we are, and that is the mirror that the heart holds up for us to see ourselves in.

The Perfect Moment

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

There’s something you want, isn’t there? Something that you want so desperately that it is eating away at your insides; a longing that has been gnawing away great chunks of your heart while you weren’t looking and leaving you feeling as if you are some sort of metaphysical Swiss cheese; all full of inexplicable holes and gaps.

Yes, you know what I’m talking about.

Maybe you caught a glimpse of it once. Perhaps you met a person or read a book, heard a presentation, watched a movie; saw a sunset or listened to a piece of music that, for whatever reason captured this longing; clarified it; brought it into sharp focus; gave you a taste of what life could be like if you had this particular thing in your life.

And then it was gone.

The person walked out of your life; you turned the last page of the book; the lights came on after the movie, the sun went down or the music ended, and suddenly your life had an empty space in it; a space that you didn’t even know you had; a space that, for just a moment, was filled with something so beautiful and all-encompassing that only in its ceasing could you truly know how truly beautiful and perfect it was. Only after it was gone did you realize that with it had gone the person that you were truly meant to be.

Once this kind of moment has been experienced, there is no going back. Your life will never be the same for whether you realize it or not, you have been given a glimpse into your true nature and the nature of the universe. It is how you handle the aftermath that makes all the difference.

For some, having once experienced this, they then become so obsessed with once more finding this perfect moment; with recapturing it or recreating it, that they will spend the rest of their lives in pursuit of it and ruining any chance of happiness in the process. These people hop from relationship to relationship; from experience to experience; always looking to re-create that perfect moment of complete knowing; that moment of complete acceptance and belonging when everything fell into place and, for a moment, the world was perfect and time stood still.

Others become bitter. They’ve tasted of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and suddenly they know. They know that what they have experienced was the single most powerful moment of their lives to date. They too feel the perfection of that moment and what having that in their lives could have meant. But instead of pursuing it single-mindedly, they take into account their current circumstances; they weigh the responsibilities and obligations that they believe will keep them from obtaining it (for whatever reason) and resign themselves to never having that moment again.

These people look around themselves and while they can still see the beauty in their everyday lives, they know in their hearts that they will never see things in quite the same way again. They are forever comparing (even if subconsciously) what they have and where they are to what they had and who they were if only for that brief moment of time. And the knowledge of what could have been is like a slow torture for their soul; a torture that they accept as punishment for even considering wanting more than what they see as the hand fate has dealt them.

And then there is a third group. These people also experience the perfection of the moment. Like the others their heart is torn wide open when the experience is over and everyday reality reasserts its claim. Unlike the others, however, they recognize this moment for what it truly is; a glimpse of their true nature. They recognize it and realize almost at once that they don’t have to live without it ever again.

Somehow these people understand that no matter what the catalyst for that perfect moment was, that it was not dependent on a person or place; that they do not need specific circumstances to bring that feeling of unconditional love and belonging back into their life. Somehow they know that what they felt; what they experienced; was their authentic self; their true nature. That for just a moment, for whatever reason, their life was in complete and total alignment with their soul purpose and everything fell neatly into place.

They know that all you have to do is commit yourself to living authentically; one day at a time, one moment at a time; that you live in perfect openness and honesty with yourself and everyone around you; that you listen to and follow that voice within your heart; that still small voice of intuition that will guide you in the way that you should go.

These people know that you don’t have to live without it. You can have that perfect moment again, and it can last forever. For you are the perfect moment, as long as you are living every moment from your heart and soul.

Waiting to Live

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living SeriesLeave a comment

It seems as if I have spent my life waiting…

Waiting for those rushes of energy and emotion, of unadulterated experience that the universe always seemed to throw at me with such reckless abandonment; rushes so intense that I can’t think of anything but what is happening and everything else takes a backseat – almost as if I’m suffering from some sort of cosmic bi-polar disorder.

Athletes talk about being in the zone; about how everything else falls away as they slip into that moment where the only thing that matters is what they are doing here and now.  Musicians and artists too speak of this absorption.  I’ve experienced this myself with my writing.  The words just pour out of me as if someone turned on a tap and later, when I look at what I wrote I am in amazement.  I wrote that? Where did that come from?

I’m sure you’ve experienced those moments too…moments when everything seems to happen at once, and yet it is as if everything around you takes on a crystallized clarity as you focus on what needs to be done and thrill to the feel of the adrenaline coursing through your veins, to the power of the emotions and sensations stirred up in your blood. You have a purpose – you have meaning!  This is LIFE that is happening to you and you want to be fully there in every single second.

And then, when the moment is over, everything seems to STOP (or at least appears to stop in comparison to what you’ve just experienced) and you could swear that every movement you make is like trying to walk through molasses; so mundane and dull does it seem next to the heady rush you just experienced and you could cry at your loss, for after having experienced something so intense, how can you ever go back to living normally? How can you possibly work on the laundry after having just seen the view from the mountaintop?

But you do.  You come back to earth (so to speak) with a vengeance.  Indeed, after a while the intensity of the moment becomes nothing more than a vague memory; an anomaly that you remember with a certain nostalgia – until the next time it happens and once more you are thrown into the whirl of intensity that seems to affect every cell in your body.

And then there comes the day when you wake up and realize that it doesn’t have to stop.

No, this does not mean that you get to live in that cosmic high – in a never-ending rush of adrenaline and focused purposefulness (oh wouldn’t the corporate motivators love to get a hold of THAT sort of motivation for their employees!)

No.  What happens is that there comes a day when you realize that those moments of unadulterated experience are not just some random occurrence.  They are a choice.  They are what happens to you when you choose to bring your physical life into alignment with your soul purpose.  Those are your authentic moments – and they can last you for a lifetime.

You can wake up every day laughing in awe at the realization that each and every moment that you are experiencing contains that spark of awe; that crystalline clarity and sense of rightness.  When you realize this you will find yourself approaching each and every moment (even those that should, by all rights, be the most dull and mundane) with a sort of profound amazement at the potential that it contains; at the promise that it holds.

And it is then that the knowing will overwhelm you.

You are no longer waiting to live.

You are living.

Mastering Emotional Mindfulness

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series2 Comments

Mastering the Emotional Storm Surge:  Five Steps to Emotional Mindfulness

There are moments in everyone’s life when, no matter how mindful you are of your surroundings; no matter how determined you are to be rational; a passionate wave of emotion seems to sweep you away.  Anger; fear; lust bitterness; the emotion itself is not important.  What is disturbing is how it seems, against all reason and against all odds, to take over your entire existence until you live and breathe it; until your very vision is filled with the miasma of its presence; until nothing else in the world exists.

It is usually during this time; the time when reason has abandoned you; when clarity has hidden itself in the closet of your sanity refuses to come out; it is then that there are things that are said and done that you regret for the rest of your life.

Think about it.  How many times have you said or done something in a fit of anger or a jealous rage that you would never have said or done in your right mind?  How many people have you hurt with your words or actions?  How many times have you sat there afterwards, shaking, wondering what on earth had possessed you to say or do something so hurtful?  How many hours have you spent berating yourself for not being able to control yourself and your emotions?  Have you ever wondered if there is a cure for this?  If there is a way to make sure that you can learn to control your emotions and think before you lash out?

Interestingly enough, control isn’t the answer to your problem.  Instead, it is the attempt to control your emotions that leads to these irrational outbreaks.

Does that sound ridiculous?  I mean, come on, we’re taught from the time we’re small children to “control your temper,” to “think before you speak,” to remember that “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”  By the time we’re teenagers we’ve been told so many times that we’re doing things wrong; saying things wrong that we sit there, stewing in our anger and hatred; pissed at the world and glowering at everyone around us because if we say what’s really on our minds we’ll get in SO much trouble.

By the time we’re adults we’ve got it down pat.  We smile and nod and agree with our boss though we’d really like to be telling them off and assure our spouse that “no dear, everything’s okay” when we’re really annoyed with them for being so inconsiderate and soothe our children with “no baby, mommy doesn’t mind reading another story” when we’re really so tired of Dr. Seuss that if we hear about one more wocket we might snap.

But nothing’s changed.  Not really.

Just because we’ve learned to control our emotions and wear a happy face doesn’t mean that the emotions aren’t there.  And no amount of wishful thinking or repetitions of affirmations will change the fact that just under the surface of our pleasant façade there is a roiling cauldron of repressed emotions that is just waiting for the least provocation to burst through our tentative crust of rationality and spew emotional poison over everyone that happens to be in our path.

Does this mean that we should, as some people and even some therapists suggest, give a voice to our emotions or that we learn to “vent” them through various activities?

Well, as good as venting is (and it’s far better to vent your frustrations on your spouse by heading to the gym and taking it out on a punching bag than by waiting till you snap and hitting the person that you love) that is not the answer either, for you have really done nothing more than momentarily quench the fire that has erupted from beneath the surface.  And as reasonable as ‘giving voice to our emotions’ sounds, telling someone you have a problem with them doesn’t fix the issue either.  In fact, it transfers the blame from yourself – to the other person – because now that they know that you really don’t like certain things they do or say or the way that they act you expect that they will take the hint and change for your benefit. Luckily, there is a solution.

So What Is The Solution? 

Would you believe me if I said mindfulness? And no, we’re not just talking about your everyday mindfulness here (though having a grip on everyday mindfulness can help).

When it comes to dealing with those emotions that overwhelm you; those inexplicable and uncontrollable emotions that rise up out of (seemingly) nowhere and take over your life; the answer is in learning to identify those things that trigger the emotions to begin with, those things that start the chain reaction that leads to your emotional outburst.  This is where the concept of emotional mindfulness comes into play.

You see, it is not enough to simply be mindful of the world around you in order to live authentically.   While being aware of the here and now is important, especially for stilling your mind long enough that you can hear your intuition; for giving you the clarity to be able to recognize the voice of your intuition; it isn’t until you’ve mastered emotional mindfulness and are able to recognize the trigger points of those emotional surges; to recognize them and acknowledge them and to choose not to react to them that you will truly start to see big changes in your life.  Indeed, by following these five steps, you can be well on your way to mastering Emotional Mindfulness.

Five Steps to Mastering Emotional Mindfulness.

Step #1:  Become aware of your surroundings.  Like anything else, Mindfulness is a skill that has to be developed and, just as you have to learn how to walk before you can run, mastering emotional mindfulness requires that you have a grip on everyday mindfulness before you can apply what you have learned to finding the trigger point of those emotional surges that sometimes threaten to take over your world.  In fact, the more aware you are of your surroundings – of what is going on around you – of how your body feels and is reacting to those things that are happening, the easier it will be to identify those trigger points.

Step #2: Keep an Outburst Journal.  Does keeping a record of your outbursts seem macabre?  Believe it or not, keeping an outburst journal can help tremendously when you are trying to discover just what it is that is setting you off.  The first order of business is to keep this journal on you (or within close reach) at all times.  I don’t care how ashamed you are of your outburst.  I don’t care what you said or did, as soon as you’ve calmed down enough to realize what has happened, pull out your journal and start writing.  Record everything.  What was happening just before you lost it; who you were talking to; what you were watching; how your body was feeling; what was being said or done; everything. After a while I guarantee that you will start noticing trends; certain people or situations that invariably serve as catalysts to an emotional surge. Being aware of these will be invaluable as you move on to step #3.

Step #3:  Pinpoint the Origin of the Emotion.  This is a bit step and is probably where you are going to spend the most of your time as you working on mastering Emotional Mindfulness. Once you have identified those things that tend to serve as catalysts for your outbursts and emotional surges, the next step is to shift your mindfulness to the exact moment when the emotion you are experiencing surfaces.  It is necessary that you be able to do this in order to move on to step #4.

Step #4:  Isolation. While pinpointing the origin of the emotion is probably the hardest thing to actually accomplish, it is step this next bit that is going to take the most concentration, for in order to master emotional mindfulness you are going to have to learn to isolate the emotion that you are experiencing in order to keep it from erupting spontaneously. If you will, this step is very much like what happens in your body’s own immune system.

Your immune system consists of white blood cells that are the guardians of your bloodstream.  These white blood cells have one duty and one duty only; to identify any foreign body or threat such as a virus or bacteria; and to eliminate it.  In order to do this they surround the foreign body or cell and, in effect, swallow it whole.  Once they have swallowed this threat, they then proceed to digest it using digestive enzymes, rendering it harmless.  But the point is the threat has to be isolated before it can be rendered harmless.

So too, emotional mindfulness works very much like your white blood cells.  If you can pinpoint the threat (the anger, jealousy, lust, frustration etc.) that you are feeling and isolate it; swallow it whole; you will be able to keep it from poisoning the rest of your mind.  But in order to render it harmless, you are then going to have to immerse yourself completely in the emotion.

Step #5:  Immersion. Just the white blood cells, in order to render the intruding emotion harmless you have to digest it, and in digesting it, it is going to momentarily become a part of you.  This can be one of the most painful moments of Emotional Mindfulness, and is one reason that so few people can actually follow through on the mastery.  They have no problem with the first four steps, but this last one is a step that many people just can’t face.

When a white blood cell swallows a virus or bacteria, there is a moment when the virus or bacteria is a part of the white blood cell, when the white blood cell is experiencing itself AS the virus or bacteria.  This is a necessary part of the immune system and triggers the digestive enzymes that will then digest the threat and turn it into something useful.  This is exactly what emotional mindfulness does when it immerses itself in the isolated emotion.

By experiencing the emotion completely (albeit in isolation from the rest of your mind) emotional mindfulness will, by opening itself up to the rawness of the emotion, make it understood – and render it harmless.  Indeed, by this process you not only remove the threat to your psychological well-being, you also break it down into its most fundamental level, freeing up the energy that was tied up in the destructive emotion so that it can be used for something more constructive.

What This Means for You

Mastering Emotional Mindfulness is not an easy thing to do.  In fact, it is probably one of the hardest tasks that you will ever undertake, so be patient with yourself and remember, Emotional Mindfulness does not mean that you are not going to feel the anger and pain; the fear and jealousy.  If anything, you are going to experience them move intensely than ever before.  The difference is, instead of these emotions taking over your life, you will be harnessing their energy for more constructive pursuits.

Indeed it may take months even years to master Emotional Mindfulness, but once you do the rewards are incredibly rich and you will find yourself living with a continual clarity of perception and peace of mind that you never imagined was possible.

 

 

 

 

The Game of Life

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

 

My grandfather taught me to play chess when I was a little girl. I couldn’t have been any older than six, for I wasn’t in school yet and we’d play during the day in between his patients (he had a home office medical practice) with a wooden chess set that he kept in a neat wooden box in the bottom drawer of his desk.

I remember being very impressed with the way that the board unfolded on its little hinges and how all the pieces had felt bottoms so that they could move smoothly across the squares without scratching.

I also remember him patiently correcting my moves “no Steph, the knight moves either two squares up and one square sideways, not cat-a-corner, that’s the bishop.”  And he’d laugh over my anger over a piece being “taken,” not because I was mad that he’d won the piece, but because I was upset that he’d taken the piece away from its “family.”

But he was nothing if not a good teacher, and I learned the game well in spite of my grandmother’s concerns that it wasn’t a kids game, and my mother assuring me that I would find it boring and my own trepidations about splitting up the ‘families’ every time we played (though I always found it reassuring when the game was over and all the pieces could be put back in their respective family compartments).

In fact I learned it so well that as I got older I began seeing any sort of complex interaction with another person as a sort of endless series of chess moves in games that were being played simultaneously on a board that looked suspiciously like life.  Sometimes I could get to where I wanted to go simply by moving a pawn one space.  Other times it took multiple “jumps” with my knight in order to save the situation, or occasionally I’d have to come at the situation from a new angle – sort of like a bishop – or plow straight ahead regardless of the consequences like a castle.  And then there were the moments when I could sweep in with a beautiful series of unexpected moves – like a queen – and sweep the board in triumph.

But not only did I make moves designed to help me “win” the situation, it also became apparent that in life, just like in chess, when a person made a certain move; when they did or said a certain thing; there seemed to be only a limited number of ‘moves’ that I could make in response to it; at least if I wanted to “win” the game (or at least score the piece).

In fact, just like there are some professional chess players who memorize all the moves of famous chess matches; I began to see repeating patterns in particular interactions and relationships.

Each time I ‘played’, even though I was playing different game and against a different person, when the other person would make a certain kind of move (the opening move from a particular type of match) – I would react/respond in the same way as I was ‘supposed’ to or at least in the way that I had before.

But there was just one problem – with both of us making the same kinds of moves, the end result was inevitably predictable.  I KNEW how it was going to turn out long before the game was over because logic dictated that these particular moves were the only moves that could be made in response to the other person’s moves.   But uncertain of what else could be done – of how else to react – I would continue to make the moves, even if I knew that it was going to be a disaster.

There was one particular game that I remember well; a game of repeating personal interactions where I thought that I had worked through a particular issues and a similar situation would arise (only with a different person).  The details would be different; the intensity of the situation would change from situation to situation – but the end result of the game was always the same; stalemate, with both sides hurt and blaming the other of being controlled and manipulated because of the way the game had been played.

While this particular game had been repeating throughout my lifetime with different people, for some reason – this one time – everything was intensified tenfold.  This time when everything fell apart at the end – I was devastated.  It hurt worse than anything I could ever remember and as usually, one of the first things I started doing was analyzing my game.

I had played the game exactly the way it was supposed to have been played – the only way it COULD be played.  What had I done to deserve this kind of misunderstanding and pain?   Why did it hurt so bad?  What mistakes had I made to bring that sort of situation on myself?   How could I make sure that it would never happen again?

I struggled with these questions; searching for answers; beating myself up over the missteps and mistakes I’d made, and just when I thought I’d figured it out; just when I thought I had a handle on it – it happened again!  And while this time involved a different person in a different situation – the moves were the same.  I could SEE it even as it was unfolding, and this time I saw the glaring similarities to the first game when I was no more than halfway through.  How on earth had I managed to get into the same situation again?  And wouldn’t you know it, once I’d gotten the board set up and all the pieces laid out – it started all over again!

The third time was the charm however.  After the first moves had been made and I realized that the same damned game was beginning again, it dawned on me that something had to change unless I wanted to voluntarily go through that same hell again.

And that was it you see – when the third time rolled around, it finally dawned on me that it wasn’t the choices I made in response to these individuals’ decisions and reactions that mattered.   It didn’t even matter what pieces I was choosing to play with.  It was the game itself that was to blame.

It was the game; the conditioning of a lifetime  (or even of lifetimes) that said that when you are confronted with THIS situation (or THIS person in a different form) you have to react THIS way; habits of a lifetime that were kicking in; responding to a situation that kept presenting itself to me in different forms.

It was then that I realized that in order to learn this particular lesson I had to make a completely different move, because in a way they had been right – I WAS controlling and manipulating. So had they been – though neither of us had been doing it intentionally mind you, but because that was the way that the game is played.   You can’t play chess (successfully) without knowledge of the moves and an idea of how the other side will probably react if you make them.

Anyway – this new move was a move only I could make – it was a move inside of my own head – a move to not let what the person did affect me. Not to take it personally (even though it sure as hell felt like it).  In short – it was deciding not to react; not to play the game.

And what do you know – once I had decided not to play everything changed.

And maybe that’s how it works in different games; maybe even in different lifetimes (if you believe in such a thing).  There is something that we’ve been too stubborn to learn; something that we respond to the same way over and over again because we’ve been conditioned to believe that that is the only way that the game can be played (that when someone does this we have to do that) and it is something we are destined to repeat until we can simply make a decision not to play the same game again; not to make the same knee-jerk reactions.

Then and only then can we let go of the need to control the board and predict the next move (ours or theirs) and let go of the urge to be offended by some move that we don’t expect and finally get on with the really important stuff, like moving on in our own spiritual development as well as working together to make the world a better place.