Waiting for Home

On August 19, 2015August 19, 2015 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

Barefoot, she stands, waiting. A restless breeze tugs at her hair before moving on, leaving behind the faint scent of the ocean; a scent that fills her simultaneously with a soothing calm and an unquenchable restless.

Head thrown back, she stands, waiting. Her eyes search the evening sky, watching as the stars wink into existence, as the golds and plumbs of sunset fade into a black velvet background worthy of a sky full of glittering jewels.

As the light fades in the west a silence falls across the yard; a pregnant pause as if a cosmic conductor has raised his baton and all of his musicians have paused, instruments raised in anticipation of the downbeat. A moment later, with a single croak from a large frog of advanced years, the evening chorus begins; frogs from the riverbank, crickets from the meadow, a low throaty hoot from the owl that lives in the forest behind her house.

And still she waits.

As if on cue a crescent moon rises over the tree tops, casting faint shadows across the darkling yard and glimmering silver off of the tears that flow freely down her face, dribbling onto the ghostly white of her shirt dampening the grass at her toes.

She does not cry for the gloriousness of the vast array of glittering stars or the spectacular evening chorus or for the lingering scent of the restless sea. She cries for many reasons, few of which she can put into words and most of which she knows she will never understand. But mostly she cries because she waits.

She is not even sure what it is that she is waiting for. Perhaps it is love. Perhaps it is hope. Perhaps it is a sense of peace, of belonging. She does not know what she waits for, only that when it appears she will know that her waiting is over. She will know that finally, she is home.

She waits, barefoot, gazing at the stars, kissed by the moonlight, caressed by the whisper of an ocean breeze and serenaded by a chorus written expressly to touch her heart. And as she waits, slowly the tears dry and the competing peace and restlessness combine into an expansive duet whose rhythm counterpoints the beating of her heart. Slowly the stars expand until they fill not just her eyes, but her very soul. Slowly the sound of the nighttime creatures fill her head to bursting and it is then, only then, that she ceases to wait.

At last she has become.

Finally, inside of her own skin, she is home.

An Honest Father’s Day Post

On June 21, 2015June 21, 2015 By Just StephIn My OdysseyLeave a comment

Dear Dad,

You may not have been there for me while I was growing up. Other parents manage to be around for their kid even if their marriage falls apart. But I know now, that is not how you work. You had to get away. Start a new life. I get it.

You may not have been an active part of my life as a child and teenager, but you always sent me birthday cards, usually with some money, and it was always appreciated. I’d buy myself fun things. Pretty things, and pretend that my dad had picked them out for me.

You may not have been there to help with homework and to put the fear of father into my boyfriends, but you always sent christmas cards with more money, and sometimes you’d call.

And once every couple years you’d have me come to stay with you and your new family. That gave me the opportunity to see you being a father to other children. I would have felt jealous except that it never lasted long, and then you’d leave them too and start the process all over again.

You came to my high school graduation. You came to my wedding, so I can’t complain. But it was the birth of your oldest granddaughter that (I thought) finally caught your heart.

From the time my oldest daughter was born I saw more of you than I had put together in the rest of my life. Then the second granddaughter came and you fell even deeper. You came to their recitals. You came to their functions. You didnt just send cards you brought them gifts. We shared holidays and you had us down for afternoons at your house or out on your boat. We went on cruises together, all of us, and over the years you became an integral part of your granddaughters lives.

I’ll grant you, seeing them so involved in their lives could sting a bit as I watched you interact with them in a way I never got to experience. What a cool dad you would have been!

Of course you left again. That was, as I understand it now, inevitable. This time you didn’t leave just one little girl. You left me AND my daughters. You left after they had come to think that they could depend on you to always be there for them. You left after I thought you would always be there for me.
You left yet another awesome woman who had devoted her life to being there for you.

I could be hurt. I should be hurt. I would be justified in hating you. But you know what? I don’t hate you. I cant. I understand now that it isnt about me. It isnt even about your grandaughters. It isnt even about your relationships with women. Its YOU.

There is something deep inside of you that doesnt allow you to get too close to anyone on an emotional level. Something that doesnt allow you to form any sort of attachment that could hold you back or pin you down.

And this fathers day, I want you to know that in spite of everything, I love you. You gave me life. Because of you I get to see the wonders of life and explore the mysteries of love. You made it possible for my awesome daughters to come into existence. And for this, I thank you.

You have your own demons to battle with and are doing that as best you know how. And for that I applaud you.

And even though the chances of your ever seeing this are slim to none, know that no matter where you go, no matter what you do, you are my father and I love you. I may not be happy with the choices you’ve made, but they were your choices, not mine.

I choose to be here for you if you ever need me. I choose to stay in contact with you no matter how far away you run.

I choose to love you. For always.

Happy Father’s Day.

The Caterpillar Girl

On May 23, 2015May 23, 2015 By Just StephIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

THE CATERPILLAR GIRL

She was going nowhere, this caterpillar girl. Every day the same. Inching along her barren branch. Trying to make sense of a pointless world.

Every day she would wake up and do it all again. And every night it seemed that she was no closer to her goal (whatever that might be ). Every night she would curl herself around the stem of a leaf and fall asleep gazing at the stars and dreaming of a future where she had a purpose, where her life had meaning.

And then there came a day when the caterpillar girl knew that it was over. She couldn’t stand being strongany longer. That night she curled herself around the stem of a leaf, and this time she allowed herself to let go.

Inch by inch she used her outer skin to weave herself a shell; an armor against a purposeless pointless life. And once she was enclosed in her safe space she allowed herself to fall apart. She held onto nothing, allowing herself to finally let go, dissolving into the quantum foam of pure possibilities.

And it was there, in the quiet and the dark of her chrysalis that something began to take shape. It was here that the caterpillar girl’s hopes and dreams finally loosened from their mundane routine, began to take on a life of their own, and the foam of possibilities coalesced into exquisite form.

Finally, gasping for breath and still damp with the dew of creation, she climbed out of her self imposed prison and lay quite still, wings spread to dry, basking in the warmth of the sun and ready at last to make her dreams come true.

Tectonically Divergent

On July 6, 2014 By Just StephIn My OdysseyLeave a comment

Suddenly thrown together; violently torn apart; slow and steady buildup of grown and strength or a steady movement away from each other; a study of planetary plate tectonics is like viewing the development and decline of personal relationships only on a global scale.

Most people are introduced to the concept of tectonic plates in grade school. I can remember learning about how the plates moved and how two plates meeting head on caused folds in the land that we know as mountain ranges and how the sudden shifting apart of two plates could cause rifts and canyons in the earth’s crust; how two plates moving in opposite directions can cause earthquakes or trigger volcanos.

It was a fascinating subject, and I remember spending hours on my own reading about how the plates interacted with each other; about which continents rode on which plates and in which direction they were (slowly) moving, and about the currents of the magma underneath the plates that is thought to contribute to the continental shifts. Of course I got sidetracked by geysers and earthquakes and volcanoes and Yellowstone National Park basically being one giant Caldara. But it was the discovery that plate motions vary from 10-40 mm per year (or about as fast as fingernails grow) at the Atlantic Ridge to 160 mm per year (about as fast as hair grows) at the Nazca Plate that really got me thinking about the similarities between planetary tectonics and the human subconscious and its influence on the development and decline of personal relationships.

While each human person on this planet belongs to one species (just as the tectonic plates travel over and around the one core of the planet) each individual (plate) stands alone and moves in its own direction, intent on its own growth and development.

But, just like the tectonic plates, individuals come in contact with and interact with each other on a regular basis. Some merely pass by each other smoothly and with absolutely no friction or move together in the same direction, taking comfort from knowing that they are not alone, while others meet each other head on, neither one giving an inch and causing the upheaval of everything and everyone around them. Some people come together and meld in spite of the fact that they are moving in opposite directions, and when they finally move far enough apart everything around them comes tumbling down or an eruption occurs that burns down everything they had worked to build together. And some people – some people travel together for a long time, but unbeknownst to either, they are moving in opposite directions and it isn’t until the rift or ridge between them is too big to be spanned or climbed do they have to acknowledge that their time together is over.

I suppose that I am lucky. Unlike so many marriages that mimic a Convergent plate boundary (meeting head on and causing huge upheavals) or a Transform plate boundary (the kind that result in frictional shift with resultant earthquakes and destruction of everything the couple has built) my marriage is ending as a Divergent plate boundary – the kind where two plates keep drifting away from each other forming a rift or ridge between them.

After 25 years my husband and I have finally acknowledged that the rift between us is too deep and too wide to be spanned. For years we simply ignored it, felling trees to serve as foot bridges, building rope bridges when the trees were no longer large enough, constructing steel and cable monstrosities when the ropes finally unraveled and at long last sending mule trains across when even the longest bridge could no longer hold up.

Mind you it wasn’t easy for either of us to acknowledge that it was over. There have been lots of tears (on my side) and plenty of defensiveness as both of us try to justify how we got here and who is to blame for the huge canyon between us that we finally had to acknowledge as existing when even the mules bogged down in the mire, dug in their heels, and refused to move another inch.

They say that hindsight is 20/20. And now that we are here; now that it is over; it is clear that had we acknowledged the rift when it first occurred; the first cracks in seemingly stable land, we could have halted the divergence in its tracks, for there is one major difference between plate tectonics and human relationships, and that is choice.

While the plates move together and tear apart in seemingly random dances of creation and destruction, humans can choose to move together; to mend the rifts; to quench the volcanos; to anchor themselves to something far deeper and stronger than themselves; to anchor themselves to their choice to be united and to stand together and to grow and change in tandem; a choice that prevents the random and chaotic upheavals that unanchored relationships encounter.

We did not.

Perhaps we were anchored once. But slowly, day by day, year by year, the resolve to stand together dissolved and we were left to drift apart on separate unseen currents tethered to each other only by our love and concern for our two beautiful daughters and our desire to make sure that they grew up with the love and attention of both parents on a 24/7 basis; a tether that, with our youngest turning 18 and graduating from high school has finally snapped, leaving us each standing on opposite sides of a grand canyon of disbelief and holding the frayed end of what was once a strong and beautiful relationship.

The good thing about a divergent breakup is that there has been only a minimum of drama; no histrionics or flung accusations or eruptions of long vented anger and frustration, only the relatively calm acceptance of where we are now and of what comes next and the mutual agreement that our daughters will continue to be our priority and that even though we will no longer be living together, we agree to be there for them when they need us; putting aside our own differences in order to support them in whatever they decide to do and in any kind of life events that come their way.

So here we are, saying goodbye to a marriage that lasted a quarter of a century but somehow emerging with a level of mutual regard, of shared responsibility and goodwill for each other intact; something that defies the conventional concept of breakups and leaves us staring at each other with a sheepish smile and a half-hearted shrug. It may not be how things usually end, but this is where we are. Each of us staring into the canyon between us, seeing the layers of strata that have been revealed by the pulling apart of these two plates; the shared experiences and colorful memories and moments of a shared life and down; far down at the bottom of the canyon we can just glimpse the river of what once was; a river that continues to flow in spite of the towering canyon walls, and always will.

~SSHenry, July 2014

How to Heal a Broken Heart

On March 2, 2014 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” ~_{Alexander Graham Bell}

My heart was broken long ago. The details don’t matter. What matters is that instead of admitting that my heart was broken; instead of admitting that I was in pain and dealing with the trauma right then and there, I made a series of decisions that threw my world into chaos and that impacted my life for a very long time.

Mind you, the decisions that I made (one in particular) in response to the heartbreak were a way of protecting my heart from further injury; of insulating it against the pain that I had incurred. But what I didn’t realize is that by denying the pain; by choosing to delude myself into thinking that I was all right, I was ignoring an injury which, when left untreated, never healed. In fact, it began to fester, poisoning everything else I did.

And so to escape the pain of infection I wrapped myself in layers upon layers of mundane is-ness; sinking into a depression so complete that I was not even aware that I was. I only knew that there was something wrong; something that continued to eat at me and that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

As crazy as it may seem, six months ago, just as I was ready to give up altogether, it was the very one who inflicted the original injury that pulled me out of my despondency; enabling me to see exactly what I had allowed my life to become due to the choices that I had made and gave me the courage to acknowledge what I had done, accept where I am, and to face the future without fear of what it might bring.

Knowing what might have been – what I have lost – what I will never have because of the choices that I have made – makes my heart ache as it has never ached before. It is like peeling off the scab to clean out an infected wound; a throbbing ache that reaches right down to my soul.

Accepting that I will never have what might have been; accepting where I am and who I have become because of the path I chose to follow stings like alcohol poured into a cut; intensifying the pain to the point that it doesn’t feel as if I can take it for even one more second. But it also kills the bacteria of despair and despondence and is the first step to healing.

Acceptance leads to an understanding of why I made those choices. And understanding is like a soothing balm; a balm and a soft cotton bandage that covers the cleaned wound, protecting it from further damage.

But knowing and accepting and understanding is not enough. I must also have wisdom; wisdom and courage to prevent any more trauma to my heart; not by burying it where it cannot be touched, but by leaving it exposed and choosing instead to make those decisions that will strengthen it.

I must have the wisdom to learn from my experiences and the courage to listen to my heart and, from now on, to make each decision based on what feels right to my heart – to my soul –not based on my fears; not as a reaction to pain that threatens to tear me apart, or in response to the pressures and influences of what those around me expect from me. And once I have made the decision, the courage to move forward without fear, knowing that if I am acting from my heart – and for my heart – that I will be making the decision that is best for me and that will help me to become who and what I was meant to be.

~SSHenry~ March 2, 2014.

All Beginnings Are Hard

On January 5, 2014 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“All Beginnings are hard. . . . Especially a beginning that you make for yourself. That’s the hardest beginning of all.” ~Chiam Potok

It is not unusual at this time of the year to see dozens of posts touting an individual’s New Year’s Resolutions; posts about losing weight, finding love, getting their dream job. The list is endless. And while I know plenty of people who scoff at the idea; people who say that making New Year’s Resolutions is pointless and meaningless, the concept behind it is really quite lovely; you are promising yourself a new beginning; choosing the turning of the New Year as a convenient marking point for tracking their progress.

The sad part of course is that most people renege on their promise to themselves fairly quickly. In fact, the same people who will move heaven and earth to keep a promise to a spouse or a child; a parent, an employer or a friend will dismiss their promise to themselves with no more than a shrug and an amused chuckle.

Do we really have so little respect for ourselves that we can shrug away our chance to finally create the life we have always imagined? Because when we fail to keep our promises to ourselves that is exactly what we are doing. We are trading in those things we desire most in the whole world in exchange for convenience, or security or acceptance by those who don’t understand what achieving our goals would mean for our authentic selves.

I have no room to judge the person who gives in to those around them; who gives in to the demands of convention or of society and gives up their dream, for I am guilty of the same thing. In fact, I am more guilty than most. I gave up my dream. I gave up my dreams willingly in the hopes that by doing so I could forget who I was; that I could bury my true self in normality and create a life for myself where I would not only not be hurt any more, but one where I would no longer hurt anyone else.

For a few precious years it seemed to work. I was happy, or at the very least I was content. But it didn’t last.

It was inevitable that one day I would wake up to the fact that burying my authentic self was the biggest mistake that I ever made.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret the life I lived; it gave me two beautiful daughters and hundreds of lovely memories that I will cherish forever. What I do regret is that I gave up my true self for the illusion of security and belonging.

It has taken me a quarter of a century to come around to acknowledging my mistake and in taking steps to rectify it; to unearth the true me that has been buried for so very long. Unfortunately she has been kept under wraps for so long that no one recognizes her. Well, no one except those who knew me before I buried her alive. Her resurrection has resulted in any number of problems as I try to explain to those around me that this is who I am. That the person they thought I was all this time was nothing more than a façade; a mask worn to prevent those around me from see who and what I truly am; a choice I made because I was afraid of hurting or being hurt ever again.

Some have supported me in this excavation. Others have fought it at every turn, trying their hardest to convince me that going back to the self they always knew is in everyone’s best interest; especially their own since that person was the one they were comfortable with. But going back to the person I was pretending to be is something I will not do. And if becoming myself means turning their world upside down, well then, so be it. I have kept myself buried for far too long. It is time.

And so it is that I make my own New Year’s Resolution. This year I make a new beginning for myself – for my true self. I will take the steps necessary to free myself from those people and situations that would keep me from being who and what I truly am.

Of course this means that there will be some tough decisions to be made over the next 12 months; some very difficult choices and overall upheaval for myself and those closest to me. But like childbirth, once the process has begun, there really is no turning back. I have made myself the promise of a new beginning, and it is a promise that I intend to keep.

One Hand

On December 1, 2013December 1, 2013 By Just StephIn Touching the Infinite1 Comment

I was drowning in darkness.

Unable to move

Unable to breathe

So deep that nothing could penetrate.

And then, alone in the dark

I felt a hand slip into mine

And felt another heart beating in the dakness.

One hand.

One heart.

And a whisper in the dark;

A voice my soul recognized.

Two words

“Trust me.”

And for the first time in forever

I stopped struggling and let go

Trusting your arms to guide me;

To bring me to the surface once again

To the light and peace and hope

I thought I had lost forever.

No longer drowning in darkness

But swimming in sunlight

And now your heart a part of mine

For always.

~ SSHenry, December 1, 2013

Chutes And Ladders

On September 23, 2013September 23, 2013 By Just StephIn My OdysseyLeave a comment

“It doesn’t matter how bad things get. It doesn’t matter how dark the clouds are. You have to believe, deep in your heart, that the sun is still shining, even if, right now, you can’t feel anything except the continual downpour.” ~ SSHenry

There are times in each of our lives; moments, days, months even; when we feel like giving up; when we feel that going through the motions of daily life are just too difficult and it would be easier to curl ourselves into a small ball and just wait for it all to end.

I’ve had one of those years.

The details don’t matter. Suffice it to say that a year ago something happened to me that turned my world upside down. It began with a single event and cascaded (as single events tend to do) into a thundering waterfall of circumstances that swept away nearly every aspect of who and what I was.

If you don’t believe me, go ahead and look at the dates on my writing here on the website. You’ll notice that since a year ago the entries became fewer and farther between. There would be months between entries. That is because I was spending every last ounce of energy keeping my head above water; trying desperately not to drown in my own tears.

I was left clinging tenaciously to one thing and, oddly enough, it wasn’t someone or something outside of myself that I found myself clinging to. It was an inner knowing; an understanding that even though it felt as if all of my insides had been torn out through my chest and kicked about by people in very dirty and heavy work boots before being randomly stuffed back in, it was going to be ok.

Somewhere deep inside I knew that even though it felt as if things would never get better, that this was just one of life’s weird twists. It wasn’t the end. It was more like the square on the Shute’s and Ladders board where you plummet back to nearly the beginning before picking yourself up and beginning the climb all over again.

Mind you, that didn’t make it any easier to handle. That didn’t make the days any easier to face. What it did was enable me to use my meditation and mindfulness skills to focus on the right here and now, as painful as it was; on getting through today. Not looking towards tomorrow. Not planning for the future; just on getting through the day; through the morning; through the next hour. I survived moment by moment until the hole in my heart scabbed over and reduced itself to an aching throb.

And after nearly a year’s worth of mornings where the alarm would go off and I would groan in disappointment at finding myself still alive and at the prospect of having to deal with yet another pointless and meaningless day; after nearly a year’s worth of days finding myself bursting into tears for no particular reason; one morning I surprised myself by waking up with a smile in my heart. I could feel the sun again, and see colors.

Sure enough, when I checked the scab that had covered the hole where my insides were torn out had finally fallen off, leaving new pink skin underneath. Mind you, it’s still very, very tender, and painful when exposed to the air or vigorous rubbing. But it’s whole. And I can feel my insides carefully rearranging themselves. I think there may be a few pieces missing, for there certainly seems to be an emptiness inside that wasn’t there before.

Or maybe there is nothing missing. Maybe during this last year, while I was focusing on getting through the day; maybe I grew. Maybe it is not that there is something missing. Maybe instead it is that there is now room inside of me; room for more; more of everything.

Excuse Me, My Life is Waiting

On April 9, 2013 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My Odyssey3 Comments

“Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Does purposefully surrounding yourself with people who will lift you higher; people who encourage you and strengthen you sound like a selfish thing to do? Can you imagine the alternative?

No, most of us don’t have to imagine the alternative, because most of us live it. I know I do. Or, rather, up until now, I have.

When I was little it was family members who would discourage me from my dreams, telling me that I really didn’t have the talent or skill for this or that endeavor, or that what I was attempting was not something that a “good Christian girl” would do. If I pursued my activities I would then have to put up with the disappointment of those same family members and see the hurt and pain in their eyes that I wasn’t living up to their expectations. And so I would sigh and tuck away my dreams.

When I was older it was my teachers, friends or boyfriends that would discourage me from attempting what they saw as ill-conceived or inadvisable options. And what did I do? I would go ahead with them anyway, until of course someone looked at me again with that pain in their eyes, and then I would crumble. OK, ok. I’ll fold. Just stop looking at me like that. I want you to LIKE me, to LOVE me, not to be disappointed by me. And then I got married and the whole process started over again.

So why am I speaking in the past tense? Because I have decided that I am finished with the negativity. I have to be.

You see, the negativity of those who discourage, demean or belittle me and my desire to become the truest version of myself are not serving me. And there – right there – is where I usually get a twinge of guilt. The very term “not serving me” just reeks of self-centeredness, doesn’t it?

But there comes a point in your life where you realize that as much as you care about the people in your life; and as much as you want them to be happy, there is something that is more important, and that is that you be true to your real self no matter how others feel about it.

This isn’t selfishness; at least it isn’t selfishness in the traditional definition of the word. No, this is taking care of what you need in order to learn and grow and become, and let’s face it, without growth things tend to stagnate and grow stale. That includes everything from your personal life to your relationships with others, so no matter what, there really is no point in spending your energy trying to maintain the status quo.

Of course those negative individuals in your life who encourage you NOT to change would be glad of change IF (and only if) you were to change in the direction that they wish to see you go. What scares them is that you are changing in ways that make them uncomfortable, which is why they fight against it so hard. But a moment of reflection should show you that change to make someone else happy is actually counterproductive. Yes, the other person may rest easier knowing that you will not break out in ways that they cannot or will not allow themselves to understand. But you will be just as unhappy having changed into something that you are NOT as you were unhappy to remain in a stagnant or stale situation.

Actually, you will be unhappier having changed in a direction that is at odds with your soul purpose; even unhappier than you would be simply staying put and resisting the urge to become who and what you really are.

No. The truth of the matter is that you HAVE to follow your instincts and intuition if you are going to truly live your life and not simply treat it as some sort of spectator sport.

At the risk of sounding cliché, you have to follow your heart. If it leads you in a direction that others find uncomfortable enough, they will move on or move out of your life to a place where they feel more comfortable and where the people and things live up to their expectations.

So when I talk about surrounding yourself with those who will lift you up (and not pull you down) I’m not talking about walking away from people or situations that do not serve you. Instead, what I am saying is that you need to stop giving those people and situations that you find energy draining or negative to the point of depression, your attention.

Just stop. They are not worth the effort of either fighting their negativity or the effort of changing yourself in order to please them. They do not serve you.

So focus on what does serve you; on those things that bring you joy and that fill your life with the wonder and mystery that feeds your soul. Focus on those things that encourage you to grow and become who and what you truly are, and watch your life as it changes for the better.

The Dark Demon of Despair

On February 16, 2013February 16, 2013 By Just StephIn Metaphysical Mussings, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“Have you ever dealt with the dark demon of despair? Have you ever invited him to walk with you as you wend your way through life? Has he ever held your hand as you balanced on the razor’s edge of sanity and seduced you with his promises of oblivion?” ~ SSHenry

Sometimes the demon of despair doesn’t need an invitation. Sometimes he just appears out of the clear blue and swoops you up before you have a chance to protest. One minute you are on top of the world. The next minute you’ve been dragged down into a morass of pain so deep that you are sure that you will never find a way out.

And sometimes; sometimes it seems that the only way to be rid of the pain is to stop living.

Yes, I know despair is not the usual topic for this time of the year. Usually we focus on love and romance and the promise of spring, but here is the thing; there are people all around you who are grappling with this demon even as we speak. Who knows, you may be one of them yourself. And it is times of the year like this; holidays dedicated to love and family and having a positive outlook on life that can be the hardest for these people because it emphasizes everything that they do not (or that they no longer) have.

The reasons why any one of us may give in to this demon are as many and as varied as there are people in the world. Perhaps you’ve lost someone close to you to death. Perhaps you love has left you for someone else. Perhaps you’ve received bad news regarding your job or your finances or your health. Perhaps you have simply become jaded by life and no longer see the purpose of it all. Does it really matter? If there is one thing about the demon, it is that he is an equal opportunity employer and absolutely no respecter of persons.

And while we may not be able to predict when this demon comes to call or just how hard he’ll impact us when he does, we do have a choice of whether or not we will give in to the despair that is his dark inheritance.

Yes. There are going to be days when it seems that we cannot take a single more moment; moments that are so painful that the thought of bearing one more instant is physically painful. But there is one way to ensure that the despair will not consume you entirely and that is to find your anchor of joy.

Your anchor of joy is what keeps you tethered to the knowledge that this clinging fog of doubt and depression is not the way it always was, nor the way it always will be. And while it may seem impossible to remember the good times when the darkness threatens to swallow you whole, if you can find just one moment of joy in each day and hold that close to your heart, it can be enough to keep you alive.

It doesn’t have to be anything big. Perhaps it is the contented purr of a cat, the vivid colors of a spectacular sunset, the overwhelming awesomeness of your favorite piece music or the simple beauty in a budding flower. It may even be something more mundane like the deep robust scent of your coffee, the way the sun slants through your bedroom window or the feel of clean sheets against your skin.

Whatever it is that brings you that moment of joy, however brief, hold it close. Hold it tight. As you slog through the rest of your day; as the cold darkness of despair threatens to engulf you, focus on that moment. Relieve it in your mind as many times as you need to and know that there is hope.

And one morning you will wake up to find that the one moment has become two, and then three and, before you know it they will have multiplied and you will have banished that cold dark demon from your life and will be living in the sunlight once again.

So don’t give up. And if you know someone close to you that is wrestling with this particular demon, don’t give up on them. Help them to find their anchor of joy. You cannot find it for them, but you can help them to recognize it for what it is and encourage them to hold it close to their hearts and hold tight to the knowledge that there are brighter days to come.

All it Takes is Gratitude

On January 25, 2013January 25, 2013 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~Melody Beattie

It has been said that gratitude is the real bread of life; that without it life becomes bleak and bare and lacking in so many different ways. And yet, how many times do we actually stop to express our gratitude for what we have been given?

I’m not talking about common courtesy; saying thank you when someone does something for you and things of that ilk. No, I’m talking about real gratitude. I’m talking about a heartfelt appreciation for everything that you have in your life, no matter how small or insignificant you may consider it to be.

Believe it or not, even the poorest of those who will read this are better off than half the world’s population. For starters, you have the free time to be able to get onto a computer and surf the internet, not to mention that you have access to a computer. You probably have a roof over your head, clothes in your closet and food on your table as well. You have access to health care (or at least to an emergency room) and have more likely than not received some sort of an education and are able to read and write.

And these are just the fundamental basics! So many people don’t have even this, but that doesn’t stop them from being grateful! And so many of us have so much more than the basics and yet we are always looking for more.

But what about the intangible things?

What about those things that can’t be touted up on an accounting sheet or listed on a home inventory list?

What about friendship and love? What about caring and commitment? What about courage and integrity and creativity? Do we ever stop long enough in our headlong rush to be grateful for those things that lend the fabric of our lives such rich texture?

In spite of everything that we have; in spite of everything that we have been given, it is so very easy to take what you have for granted – until it isn’t there anymore. And then, once it’s gone; once it is gone and you can never get it back again, you feel like kicking yourself at every moment that you wasted; every opportunity that passed you by without your noticing.

Most times it is easy to be grateful. Indeed, when you have everything that you need; when life is sweet and full of interesting people and experiences, gratitude seems to come as naturally as breathing. We don’t even think about it. It is simply there.

And yet, there are times when being grateful is the last thing on your mind; when the pain is so deep and the darkness and despair so dark and suffocating that it seems that there is no way that you can ever find your way out. At these moments gratitude can seem as far away as the surface of the moon, and just about as helpful.

But what if I were to tell you that that is when you need it the most?

Because if you can’t remember the good things in your life, if you can’t bring to mind the bright moments of laughter and life and love that make everything worthwhile, those dark and depressing times can suck you down so far that you may never get out.

This is why it is so very important to practice daily gratitude.

I don’t care how you do it. Buy a journal, start a blog, post it on Facebook, Tweet it to all of your friends, send out a text message – whatever! But start today. List all the things that you are grateful for. Don’t just do this one time, do it every day.

In fact, make it a habit to find at LEAST five things to be grateful for every day.

On an awesome day you may take up pages listing all the things you are grateful for. On bad days you may only be able to list a handful. But believe it or not, this handful can make all of the difference.

You see, there may come a particularly bad day when those things that you have listed are the only things that keep you from giving up altogether; when one or two of the items on that list are all that keep you tethered to life. Those things will become your focus; your reason for living.

And believe it or not, if you can make it through the day; if you can focus on that handful of things that you DO have instead of those things that you do NOT have, eventually it will get better. In time the good things will begin to multiply again until once more you find your life to be overflowing with life and love, friendship and good fortune and once more life will be worth living.

All it takes is gratitude.

Personal Note: For me 2012 ended on a tragic note when I found that a close friend had killed themselves just after Christmas. I cherished every moment that we spent together and even though I had given them all the support and advice that I could – it wasn’t enough. In the end the pain and sadness that they felt overwhelmed them. They simply couldn’t find a reason to keep living. This is why this message is so important to me. Life is fragile and far, far too short; don’t let a moment of it go by unappreciated.

And please – PLEASE – if one of the things you are grateful for today is someone else; a friend or family member, let them know! Don’t assume that they already know. Just tell them. One day you will be glad that you did.

The Dyslexic Mayan

On December 12, 2012December 12, 2012 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

You know, the first thing that popped into my head when I saw today’s date on my calendar was that maybe the Mayan’s got it wrong. You know, maybe whoever was creating that great count calendar had a case of dyslexia and wrote down 12/21/12 instead of 12/12/12. Hey, stranger things have happened! Translation errors happen all the time.

Note: Yes, for those who are sticklers for details, I know that the Mayans didn’t use our numbering system and that the date 12/21/12 is due to an interpretation of the Mayans numerical system. That doesn’t change the fact that the idea of the date for the end of the world being mistaken due to transcription errors isn’t (at least to me) amusing.

Actually, I don’t believe that the world is going to end on the 21^st of December. Maybe it should end. Maybe humanity is sick and twisted enough that it would serve us right if reality came crashing down around our ears next Friday. Maybe we’ve done enough to rape and pillage this planet that it would be in Gaia’s best interest to shake herself free of us once and for all. With the atrocities we’ve committed over the millennia it wouldn’t be at all surprising.

No, next Friday will dawn as every other day, and when the sun sets we’ll still be here; some of us still in front of our computer screens. The only difference (or at least the only visible difference) will be that the Mayan Long Count Calendar will have reset itself. Again.

Yes, that’s right. Again.

You see, the Mayan Long Count Calendar has reset itself before. In fact it resets itself every 5,125.36 years. Each of these time periods is referred to as a “Great Cycle” but there is nothing that states that simply because we’re at the end of a Great Cycle that it is the end of the world as we know it. It is simply the end of the calendar – and the end of another age of mankind (much like our Gregorian calendar turning over from 1999 to 2000 and marking a new millennium).

Yes, there are other claims regarding December 21^st 2012. There are claims that it marks a galactic alignment (it does – we align with the galactic center every December actually). There are claims that there will be some sort of cosmic blackout due to a planetary alignment; that there will be a crustal displacement/shift thanks to this alignment that will cause devastating earthquakes and tsunamis. There are claims that solar flares will fry the planet (or at least all of our technology) that we are about to be hit by a comet or meteor, or that we’re going to be visited by aliens from planet X (Nibiru).

Then of course there are those who say that December 21, 2012 isn’t about actually physical earth changes so much as it is about energetic shifts and spiritual alignments. There are those who claim that it will mark the beginning of the tribulation, of the antichrist’s reign on earth (the fact that a katun – part of the Mayan calendar – is marked by 144,000 days – a number seen in Revelation seems to feed this particular series of rumors).

Did I miss anything?

Perhaps it’s time to stop worrying about what COULD happen and ask yourself this; why are you so anxious for the world to be ending?

Think about it. When someone tells you that the world could end by (insert a cause) and they have “proof” and a rational explanation, don’t you get just a little bit excited thinking that maybe, just maybe, they could be right? Doesn’t the idea of the mundane repetition of your daily existence being turned on its ear turn up your adrenaline a notch?

Of course it does. That is why anything from a localized emergency (work or school cancelled due to a devastating snowstorm or a tree falling on the power lines) to a regional disaster (hurricane Sandy) to a national or global catastrophe all send us spiraling into a frenzy of excitement. It gives us a chance to interrupt our regularly scheduled program.

So here’s an idea. Why not create a life for yourself that you wouldn’t WANT to end?

Yes, I know. You have to make a living. You have to pay your bills and provide for your families. But there is nothing that says that you have to do this by selling yourself short; by working at a job or living in such a way that the idea of society (or life for that matter) ending actually excites you.

Yes, there are ways to make a living that doesn’t entail working at a job you hate or living in a location that sucks your soul dry. It may not line up with the kind of job you are supposed to have, or with you living in the kind of location (or having the number of things) that society says you are supposed to. But if it is happiness that you are looking for; if peace and contentment are high on your list of needs, you can find a way.

Why not live the life you’ve always imagined; a life full of inspiration and love; a life full of joy and wonder and mystery? Why not live a life so packed with beauty and peace that you laugh at the idea of wanting it to end; that when someone asks you why you aren’t anxious for the world to end or for a messiah to come that you say thanks anyway, but you are focused on each day that you have been given. That you will take what the universe has to offer you as it is presented and not give a moment’s energy to worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow.

For more information on the Mayan Long Count Calendar and how it works, please visit: http://people.howstuffworks.com/mayan-calendar.htm

For the official NASA response to 2012 ‘end of the world’ claims, please see: http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html

Joy to the World and Pass the Eggnog!

On December 10, 2012 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

I don’t know about you, but this time of the year can be stressful for anyone who celebrates the season. In fact, there are days when I feel that Ebenezer Scrooge had it right before the spirits ever got a hold of him, particularly the part where he tells the gentlemen collecting for the poor that “I wish to be left alone!”

Just think of all of the things that you are ‘expected’ to do. There is the holiday decorating and the baking, the gift buying and wrapping and party planning. Then there are the concerts and end of school performances and recitals and drama productions and work parties and neighborhood celebrations, church celebrations and the addressing of about a million greeting cards and all of this in the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

With so much to do and so little time to do it in (not to mention even less time to actually kick back and relax) is it any wonder why so many people get so stressed out?

Here is a question for you. With all the expectations attached to the holiday season, is it possible to live authentically; to be exactly whom and what you are in spite of everything that you are expected to do?

The answer, of course, is yes.

No, this doesn’t mean that you have to become a Scrooge and lock yourself away behind walls of cynicism for the duration of the holiday season. What it does mean is that you take a good hard look at those responsibilities and activities that you have agreed to take part in and ask yourself whether or not they bring you joy.

If they DO bring you joy, then by all means keep them! Yes, I know that baking four dozen cupcakes for your child’s end of school winter holiday party may not be a joyful experience in and of itself, but the look on their face when you walk into their classroom with the cupcakes may be worth every moment you spent in the kitchen.

On the other hand, if you find yourself dreading the very thought of attending one more Messiah sing along, then don’t go! There is nothing that says that you have to say yes to every invitation issued during this time of the year. There is nothing that says that you have to bake all of your sugar cookies from scratch. There is nothing that says that you have to reciprocate every gift you receive with another of equal or greater value.

What it takes is weighing each agreement that you make; every invitation that you accept against how much joy it will bring into your life.

Does that sound selfish? Perhaps in a way it is. After all, at this time of the year especially we are encouraged to think of others first; to put our own wants and needs aside in order to provide for the needs and wants of others. But what never fails to astonish me is how anyone can expect that a person can keep giving and giving without every running out of energy. It can’t be done.

In order to care for others we must first take care of ourselves, and one of the most effective ways to do this is to pay attention to our joy. If everything that we do comes from our heart and brings us joy and happiness then each thing that we do for others – which we WANT to do for others – each thing we do for someone else that brings us joy will be magnified tenfold.

It won’t be how much we do, but the quiet intent; the joy inherent that will fill up our lives, and our hearts this holiday season and every day of the year to come.

Boiling Frogs

On November 20, 2012November 20, 2012 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“A Miracle is a highly improbably or extraordinary event, development or accomplishment (usually welcome and highly valued) which is not entirely explicable by natural laws. Some people attribute these to divine intervention. Others simply say that they are the result of natural laws which we simply don’t understand yet. One thing is for certain – sometimes it takes a miracle to make you believe in the possibility of them occurring no matter what their origin.” ~ SSHenry

I never used to believe in miracles; not even the kind that can be explained by as-yet unknown natural laws. I always used to think that either something was possible – or it was not. Oh I’d heard of miracles, certainly. But even things like spontaneous cancer remissions could, in my mind, be categorized in the “as-yet unknown natural law” category. But there is nothing like actually experiencing a miracle to understand its true power.

I can’t go into details; the events that led up to this particular incident are still too raw and close to my heart to share openly. Suffice it to say that I had found myself in a situation that had become intolerable. It was like the proverbial frog in a pot of boiling water.

You know the story; a frog is placed in a pot of tepid water on top of a stove burner. It doesn’t resist being put in the water because the temperature is comfortable. Then slowly, bit by bit, the temperature of the water is turned up until the frog quietly boils to death; never complaining or attempting to escape because it acclimates to each miniscule change in the water’s temperature.

I was the frog. I had, over the years, allowed my life to reach a temperature just short of the boiling point. Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable, but I simply thought that was the way things were supposed to be. I didn’t fight it. But then, rather abruptly, someone pulled the lid off the pot and prodded me into leaving the pot, and I’ll tell you right now, the change in temperature nearly blew my mind, as did the realization of just what I had allowed my life to become as well as what I had been living without; things that were my right; things that no one should have to live without. Then someone tried to put me back into the pot of near-boiling water.

Well, you can imagine what happened; water everywhere; the pot caroming off of cupboards and bouncing around on the floor like an ill-tempered poodle that has been ignored for too long. No, I did not go gentle into that good night. In fact, I refused to go at all. In the process of refusing to simply slip back into the boiling water I made a mess of everything around me and scalded those around me in the process.

It wasn’t pretty, and I’m not proud of the mess I made or the pain that I inflicted, but there is something good that came out of it. No, there is something miraculous that came out of it; not only did I realize just what my life had become and refuse to be prodded into an acceptance of the way things had been, one of those I scalded – in spite of being in intense pain and extremely angry at me for upsetting the pot, was shocked into the realization of just what had been happening, of the pain and discomfort they had been inflicting as well by turning up the temperature (though it wasn’t a calculated infliction of pain). In fact, they were so startled when they realized what had been happening that they tossed out the pot as well as the stove and replaced them with a pond replete with lily pads and soothing reeds and lots of bugs where we can both kick back and relax and forget about things like stoves and pots and even kitchens.

The long and the short of it is that the atmosphere has completely changed. I didn’t think it was possible. I regret that it took such an upset and that people got hurt in the process, but the change is, not to put too fine of a point on it, miraculous.

Will it last? I don’t know. I’d like to think so. But in the meantime, I am definitely going to enjoy the pond and being with someone who appreciates me and is willing to share this lily pad with me in spite of the burns I inflicted; burns that have to hurt like the very devil when immersed in the pond water but which will eventually heal when exposed to the warmth of the sun.

The End and the Beginning

On October 31, 2012 By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

Don’t you just love Halloween? This whole time of the year – what with its Harvest Festivals and its Renaissance Festivals; the decorations and costumes and make believe; honestly, I find it refreshing, especially Halloween since in spite of the commercialization, it is still instantly recognizable as the pagan holiday that was celebrated by many of our ancestors for centuries before Christianity was ever introduced.

I find it interesting that in spite of the best attempts of the early Christian Church, the festival of Halloween (or Samhain) was one that has resisted all attempts at Christianization. They may have replaced Yule with Christmas; they may have reduced the celebration of Imbolc to that of a groundhog predicting the length of winter; they may have been able to replace the Spring Equinox (an important fertility right) with the birth of Christ. But in spite of everything, Samhain remains easily identifiable as a pagan holiday. But what is the history of Halloween? Better yet, why is it so important to so many people? What made it so important that it was able to stand up to everything that was thrown at it?

There really is no point in going into great detail regarding the history of Halloween. You can find the accounts in hundreds of books and thousands of websites; all variations on a theme. You’ll read in some places about how originally it was a pagan celebration of the end of the harvest; a celebration of the death of the Horned God (the consort of the Great Goddess) who had to die in order to ensure that the sun would be reborn and would guarantee a new cycle of fertility. Others will emphasize the fact that it is a day when the veil between the worlds was so thin that spirits and dark creatures were free to mix and mingle with humans. You’ll hear people telling you that it is nothing more than a harvest festival and others who claim that it is a holiday dedicated to the devil himself.

All of these claims have the ring of truth; and equal tones of myth and legend, but what is it really? Better yet; what does the celebration of Halloween – or Samhain mean for us, today?

One of the reasons that Samhain is still such a touchpoint in our culture is due to the fact that it touches a very deep and primitive nerve. In ancient times Samhain was a time to celebrate endings. It marked the end of the Celtic yearly cycle and the beginning of their New Year. Here in the northern hemisphere it marks the end of our growing season which is marked by the bringing in of the harvest and is punctuated by the falling of the leaves; a sure sign of the approach of winter.

But it wasn’t just the ending of the growing season or the ending of the cycle of the leaves, it also came to be associated with the cycle of life and the celebration of how, even though death and loss is part of the cycle of life, so too death and endings mark the begining of a new season; a new cycle; and the promise of new life with special attention beging given to those loved ones who had passed on and the inevitability of the death of all physical things. But so too was it kept in mind that just as all things end and it may appear that the fields are fallow, the promise of spring and of a whole new season of life lies just under the surface waiting for the warmth of the sun.

Indeed, just as this season once it marked the time to stock up for the winter; to bring in firewood and fill the pantry with supplies for the cold months, even today you see homeowners buttoning up their property; covering rose bushes and making sure their oil tanks are filled. Today you see many home owners using this time of the year to clear their yards of debris in preparation for winter storms and in making sure that their rain gutters are cleared out and their roof is free of leaks. You’ll also find that many people use this time of the year to clear out their closets and cupboards of those things that they don’t need in order to make room for those things that they might need for the cold months.

So too this can be a time to prepare for what is yet to come. And what better way to do that than to rid yourself of all of those things that might be weighing you down and detracting from your peace of mind?

Even if you don’t celebrate the season, there is nothing wrong with using it as a touch point for getting your own house and mind and life both literally and figuratively ready for winter. Divest yourself of everything that makes you unhappy; let go of those things that weigh down your energy and make you depressed. No need to head into the long dark months of winter weighed down by baggage that will just make it worse.

Instead, why not clear out all of those spaces? Clean them out, but resist the urge to fill them up with something; leave them empty; an invitation to the universe that you are ready for something new and exciting to enter your life. It is an ending, yes, but also a beginning.

Like a fallow field; one that has been divested of its harvest and left empty and bare; you’ll be ready when it is time to plant the seeds of a new crop; one that will make your life richer with more purpose and meaning.

Too Much Love and Not Enough

On October 22, 2012October 22, 2012 By Just StephIn My Odyssey, Touching the Infinite2 Comments

“I can only Love. That is all I can do. That is all I can be because that is what I am. I AM Love. I am what encompasses you; moves through you and allows you to be everything and experience everything that makes you who and what you are; everything. No exceptions. It’s all here; all a part of the totality that makes up existence; that makes up life. It all exists inside of Love. And all of Love exists inside of Me.”

~ SSHenry

Does that sound like something out of a new age self-help book? Does that sound like some sort of sentimental clap-trap? Perhaps it does, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Before you throw up your hands in frustration and decide that I have indeed gone over to the dark side, let me get one thing straight here. I’m not talking about generalized love; you know the kind of love that a person refers to when they are talking about “loving” a certain kind of soda or brand of clothes or sports team. That is such a watered down and punk-ass version of the real thing that it really doesn’t deserve to have the same word applied to it. Come to think of it, we do use that word an awfully lot, don’t we?

Forget just the generalized over-use of the word “love” in general conversation. There are so many other uses for the word that it is no wonder that sometimes it feels as if it has been spread way too thin.

We use the word “love” not just to express intense like in an object or for an experience, we also use the word as a way to describe everything from intense romantic desire (falling in love) to the sexual act (making love) to the intensely deep and protective feelings for a child (paternal love) the abiding camaraderie of friends (platonic love) and even the all-encompassing acceptance/salvation/forgiveness attributed to God in whatever way you define him (divine love).

And any way we slice it, the word “love” has come to be associated with certain expectations. Think about it. When we talk about “loving” a product or an experience, that ‘love’ depends on the product or experience continuing to produce the same feelings in us as it always has or by producing the same result that we find so awesome.

When we talk about romantic love, falling in love or making love we assume that the other person in the scenario is going to return our feelings or that we are at least going to get some sort of physical satisfaction out of it. The same concept holds true for parental love, filial love, the love of friends and any other sort of love that you want to define. There is always some sort of expectation; always something that you get in return. Even divine love has its expectations.

Yes, in spite of those who claim that “God is love” and that is his love is unconditional, there is still the problem of why it is that the rewards of his love (eternal life) are dependent on the one receiving his love accepting and returning it or showing their appreciation for it in an appropriate manner, otherwise you don’t benefit from the love (at least not in the long term). I hate to say it, but that is not unconditional love.

True unconditional love knows no limitations and has no expectations. It not only loves everyone unconditionally, it also bestows the benefits of that love on everyone regardless of whether that love is appreciated, returned or even acknowledged – ever.

There is no differentiating those who accept the love from those who do not. There are no special rewards for those who acknowledge or return the love as opposed to those who do not. One simply LOVES. Not because there is anything in it for you, not because you are obsessed with the people or things that you love, but because you have no other choice. It is simply who and what you are. It is what you do. You get to the point where you cannot NOT love even if the people do not appreciate, return or even acknowledge the love that you give them.

It may seem as if it happened over night. In fact, you may wake up one morning with this love in your heart and wonder how the devil it happened. But chances are if you look back at your life, you’ll be able to see its progression; how opening and re-opening yourself up to love (in spite of the pain of rejection), how focusing on the positive even when it seemed that the negativity was suffocating, how reminding yourself over and over again not to become attached to people and outcomes all paid off.

But let me tell you something; in spite of the fact that when you get to this point; when you find that you cannot NOT love the people around you (regardless of how stupid they behave or even if they ignore you completely); that you want the best for everyone (even those who have hurt you), it can almost be lonelier than it was when you could compartmentalize; when you could put people into categories of those you loved, tolerated, ignored or hated. Because in order to love at this level; in order to love at all, you have to open yourself up to that love; including being loved (or not) in return, even if the amount of love you receive is not equal to that which you are giving out. And there WILL be those who love you in return, even if it is not with an unconditional love. On some levels, that can be the scariest thing of all.

Why? Because when a person returns your love; when they acknowledge the unconditional love that you are sending them and reflect it back to you, it can be so delicious that it can be addictive. And you will be tempted to become attached to what it is that they are offering; to feel as if they are supplying you with that love when in truth it is only a reflection of what is there in your own heart. If you can remember that; that there is nothing they are giving you that you do not have access to yourself, then you will be okay even if they decide for whatever reason that they no longer love you. If you can’t remember that, you are opening yourself up to a world full of hurt as you slip back into the addictive and painful world of love that is wrapped up in attachment and expectation.

But if you can resist the urge of attachment; of looking to one person or experience that you crave; you will have found that in every person; even those who do not acknowledge or return the love that you give out without question; that there is a reflection of the love that you give out without prompting; a love that is then reflected back to yourself threefold enabling you to become even more than you already were.

Indeed, loving unconditionally will not only be your biggest challenge, but its own tremendous reward. And even though this may not make complete and total sense to you now, it will. Oh yes, in time it will.

Always In Joy

On October 19, 2012 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My Odyssey1 Comment

Do you remember when you were a teenager; when there was a guy (or girl) that you really liked and who you wanted to notice you. Do you remember how you reacted? Do you remember what you did? Do you remember finding out everything you could about them and then getting interested in it yourself? Sometimes you’d give up your own interests in order to pursue theirs in the hopes that by insinuating yourself into their world; by showing an interest in their interests, they’d be more likely to notice you.

Maybe it even worked. Maybe they did notice you. Maybe you hooked up and had an awesome time of it. Perhaps for a while you felt like true soul mates; perfect for each other in every way. But chances are that somewhere along the line something went horribly wrong. There came a point when you realized that it was all about them. Everything was about them; all of it; everything that you did together; everything that you talk about; everything that you ‘share’ is really all about them. Well, of course it is. You created it that way. And chances are that you started to feel shorted; slighted even. You may have even attempted to start introducing your own interests into the relationship in the hopes to correct the imbalance.

Then of course there were probably misunderstandings and miscommunications due to the fact that the other person simply could not comprehend what was happening. Weren’t the pair of you happy? Didn’t you both enjoy the same things; enjoy talking about them and spending time together doing them? Weren’t they the same as they had always been? Why was it suddenly that what they were giving you was no longer enough? Why have you suddenly become so demanding and dissatisfied?

And that of course made things worse didn’t it? Because how do you tell someone that your entire relationship was based on your desire to get them into your life in whatever way possible? How do you explain that you were never entirely open with them; that when you met it wasn’t on equal terms because you didn’t want them to get scared off or to lose interest? How do you explain that what you really wanted, more than anything – what you still want – was and is to have a relationship of equals; where both of you were interested in what made the other person tick, even if you didn’t necessarily share all of the same interests?

I know, I know, it seemed like the natural thing to do at the time. After all, how could you possibly have known that you were selling yourself short in order to get their attention and bring them into your life? It’s a very easy trap to slip into. In fact, it’s so easy that chances are, if you stop and take a good hard look at your life right now and at the people in it, you will find that one or more of the relationships that you are currently in are based on the exact same principles as those high school relationships.

It doesn’t matter which side of the equation that you are on; whether you are one of those people who gave up their own interests in order to capture the attention of another person, or whether you were the one who was enamored by the person who seemed to fit your life so perfectly in every way. Be honest with yourself – is this truly a relationship of equals? Is it? Because if it is not, a relationship of equals you need to brace yourself; you see, there will come a time when one or both of you will realize that the relationship is lopsided and will want to correct that imbalance.

Better to take the time now to find out what makes the other person tick; to make sure that you are giving – and receiving – equally then to wait for things to fall apart. Hopefully you will find that openness and honesty with your partner are enough to clear things up and to recreate your relationship as a partnership of equals; individuals who are truly interested in each other and in where your personal and spiritual journeys are taking you. If not, well, it is never too late to become the person that you were always meant to be; to take the steps you need to put yourself firmly on your own path to authenticity.

If your significant other chooses to join you, or at least support you in becoming that authentic self, fine and good, you have nothing to worry about and the journey will be a joyful one because you will have the support and company of the one with which you share your life; a choice that true soul mates (or soul mates destined to work together for long periods of time) will do.

If they are not interested in joining or supporting you, do not allow their incredulity or anger with the changes in you to halt your own development. Do not force them. Do not feel that you have to hold onto them. If it makes them too uncomfortable, they will leave (physically or emotionally). This is not a reflection on you, and it is not your fault if the relationship disintegrates. It is their decision whether or not they wish to include the person you are becoming; your authentic self; in their own view of reality.

Who knows, your authentic self, your path, may not be the one that is right for them and they may feel that to join you or even support you is undermining their own integrity. Do not fight this if it happens, and do not allow it to influence your own becoming. If another person’s path leads them in a way that does not bring you joy you do not have to follow out of loyalty for the joy and purpose that you once shared.

Move forward in joy. Always in joy, and always in the direction that makes your heart smile.

A Perspective of Stars

On October 18, 2012October 18, 2012 By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

How often have you stood there, out in the frosty air of an early autumn morning when the sun has not quite yet breached the horizon, and found your breath catch in your chest at the crisp clarity of the stars?

Maybe it’s just me, but they seem to hang lower in the cold air; shine brighter. They pull me in and make my head spin as I feel my perspective start to shift. Slowly it as if the world takes on its proper shape around me. The ground beneath my feet becomes a planet (not the grass of my front yard) even if I can’t see it I start to feel the curve of the sky as it wraps around the earth. It is then that everything shifts into place; planet, space, stars. The Earth finally slips into its niche in the nighttime sky; a sky that is suddenly more than just pretty pinpricks of light and becomes a vast web of life and possibilities.

Yes, I know, I wasn’t on some sort of cosmic quest when I stepped outside this morning. I wasn’t even in a philosophical let alone cosmic kind of mood. Heck, I hadn’t even had my first coffee of the day. I was just taking out the trash, but OH what an incredible feeling!

I’ve had friends, family members even who say that while they’ve had this sort of perspective shift that it depresses them instead of filling them with wonder. “It makes me feel insignificant” one told me. He said that it depressed him because it pulled him out of his place at the center of things and showed him just how little he really mattered in the grand scheme of things. But you know what? He couldn’t have been more wrong.

It isn’t that you are no longer at the center of your universe (you will always be at the center of your own universe; of your own perspective on the world), it is that you finally realize just how big of a part you DO play in the grand scheme of things. Because you see, there is no center to the universe. Are there centers of solar systems? Most certainly there are. Are there centers to galaxies? Of course there are. But the universe – being immeasurable – has no verifiable center. It is reliant instead on the interconnectedness of all of the systems – on each galaxy and solar system and planet and comet; every black hole and white hole and wormhole being precisely what it is and precisely where it is in order for the universe to be what it is.

So too are we a part of all that is. By being precisely who and what we are we become a part of the interconnected web that weaves the entire universe together; and without you in it the universe would be a different place entirely.

Yes, I understand that people and animals and plants and birds die every day and that the universe continues to exist. But we’re not just talking about physical bodies now are we? We’re talking about the energy that is YOU. No matter what shape you take – no matter what side of Einstein’s E=Mc2 you fall on, YOU are still a part of this universe and your place and importance in it are assured.

So don’t be intimidated by the stars. Don’t let societal expectations and definitions determine how significant (or insignificant) you think you are. Go ahead, walk outside tomorrow morning and let yourself fall into the stars; feel your perspective shift as everything falls into place and feel where you truly belong in the grand scheme of things. You may want to hold onto something though, because the shift in focus can make you dizzy with possibility.

I Surrender to Me

On October 15, 2012 By Just StephIn Authentic Living SeriesLeave a comment

“The concept of surrender is foreign to me. The idea of giving up control, of ceasing to be myself; of turning my autonomy over to someone else – regardless of how wise or powerful is anathema. It is only when I remember who and what I really am that I realize that there is only one person to whom I ever need surrender, and that is myself.” ~ SSHenry

If you are anything like me the idea of surrender; of surrendering control of your decisions or your life to anyone or anything else is intolerable. Seriously, you can quote Bible verses at me until you turn blue in the face, but the fact remains that the majority of us will cringe and squirm every time that the word is used.

Perhaps the reason that we dislike the word ‘surrender’ so much is because of what it has come to mean in our own culture. Think about it. The English word ‘surrender’ has come to be inevitably tied up with phrases of war; with the ideas of admitting defeat, of laying down your weapons. Even when it is not used in a military reference, we see it as an admission of giving in or giving up and admitting that there was something you could not do or someone who was better than you.

Even the mildest meaning of the word “to submit or yield” puts our teeth on edge. Why? Because it by surrendering we let someone else get ahead of us; that we let someone else take the lead; that we weren’t good enough or fast enough or brave enough to remain in the lead. And that is the real problem, isn’t it? We weren’t enough.

To surrender means admitting that, somehow, we weren’t enough. We didn’t have what it took to get the job done.

Blame it on the early American settlers if you will; on the spirit of survival that came from knowing that there was no one else that you could depend on; no one to turn to if things went wrong. Once you landed on these shores, you were on your own. There was no infrastructure or support system to catch you if you fell. You had to succeed or you died. Later the pioneers who headed west encountered the same mindset; it was all or nothing.

Maybe it’s ingrained in our DNA or something, but it is definitely ingrained in our culture. You never admit defeat and you never give up. This is probably why, even when the term “surrender” is used in a religious context it is viewed with not a little skepticism and definitely some raised eyebrows. In Judeo/Christian based religions you admit that you are not “good enough” to be saved. You don’t have what it takes (you CAN’T have what it takes) and so you “surrender” to someone who can make up the difference; someone who can ‘save’ you from your sins; who can serve as the go-between with divinity and plead your case like some sort of cosmic lawyer.

This view, however; this need to ‘surrender’ to a higher power; to admit defeat and to give up control over our own lives and actions to them depends on a person’s believing that ‘God’ as a being that is ‘above and beyond’ so to speak; a completely separate entity from us. But what if you believe that you ARE divinity (or at least a manifestation of divinity here on earth)?

If you believe that you ARE God, or at least a manifestation of God (or your higher self) here on earth; then the concept of surrender becomes something far different than what is traditionally (at least in western traditions) seen as an admission of ‘not being enough.’

I personally stumbled across this not so long ago. I found myself at an impasse. I had reached a point where there was nothing else that I could do in a particular situation. Indeed, I had reached a point where no matter what I did or decided I was simply making the situation worse. But somehow, the idea of surrender – even to my higher self and my knowledge that she knows exactly what needs to be done in order to bring things back into alignment – still grated on my sensibilities. “Why should I give up?” I asked myself – and then sat back and started laughing uncontrollably.

You see, I was attributing the cultural definition of “surrender” to my particular situation. I was raised in a western society and within a traditional Christian religion within that society, it was only instinctive that my first impulse on hearing the word surrender would be to assume that I had somehow fallen short; that I hadn’t been ‘good enough’ to do it on my own. But that isn’t the case, is it?

You see, I AM good enough. I am strong enough. I am powerful enough and wise enough to do anything; to BE anything. I have the understanding to make anything happen; to bring any set of circumstances into being; to manifest whatever sort of life my heart truly desires. There is just one problem; I end up getting in my own way.

Yes, while I (my soul – my higher self) may be all powerful; all knowing; all compassionate and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, she’s sort of limited by the fact that she is, at least in this particular physical reality, dealing with (and through) a physical human body with all that entails.

These bodies are not only limited by the laws of physics and biology; by chemical impulses and fight or flight instinct, they are also limited by the overwhelming emotional responses triggered by all of these; responses that can cause us to believe things and do things that interfere with the higher self’s goals and purposes.

And sometimes it takes doing something stupid to remind myself of this. ” You react or respond in spite of yourself; instinctively as urged by the body; gumming up the works and making things far more complicated than they needed to be. It is then, when I’m standing there feeling ridiculous at how complicated I have just made things or wondering how the devil I got this particular foot all the way up into my mouth, that I remember that the concept of surrender is not as bad as all of that.

You see, when I finally understood that it really is me who is in charge of my own destiny (albeit ‘me’ on a level that I’m usually not actively thinking about) I understand that by surrendering to my higher self I’m not surrendering to someone or something outside of myself at all. “I” am still in charge, I’m simply getting out of my higher self’s way as an expression of trust that she really does know what she is doing and will do whatever it takes to bring my life and soul purpose into alignment.

One Perfect Life

On October 13, 2012October 13, 2012 By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“There is no ‘one perfect life’ out there waiting to be lived. What there is are a series of moments, each one complete and perfect in and of itself no matter if it contains joy and wonder or sadness and sorrow; each one lived fully and completely and in total awareness. That is the definition of a perfect life, and that is the life that I am living.” ~SSHenry

I don’t know about you, but there are definitely days when I feel as if I am spinning my wheels. I’m not just talking about not being able to get anything done (though that may be a symptom of the larger issue). What I’m talking about is the feeling that there is something I should be doing in order to bring the life that I was meant to live into my reality besides just visualizing the life that I want to have.

Oh come on, don’t tell me that you haven’t considered how your life could be better! Most everyone has a picture in their heads; a picture of the ‘perfect life,’ the one they would be living if only things were just a little different.

When I close my eyes and focus I can actually see that life. I can see the house that would perfectly suit me. I can walk around and touch the things I’d have in it. I can see the people that I would be sharing my life with. I can laugh at the conversations and the experiences and the humor that fill our days. I see myself in a position of being able to make the world a better place through my words and my example and the feeling of knowing that I am living my life to the fullest. I can feel the peace that is in my heart and the love that weaves itself through every moment of this life like a bright and glittering gold thread unobstructed and unimpeded and stretching off into an infinity of tomorrows.

I’ll be honest. The picture of that perfect life is seductive. It calls to me at the oddest times; tangling me in a lover’s embrace; whispering words of undying devotion in my ear. It is what I want most; my heart’s desire; and there are days when my heart cries at the thought of having to do without it for even one more minute and when I look around at the life I have and see just how far from perfect it is.

I told this to a friend of mine once, and they said “okay, so now you know what you want, so go out and GET it! Make it happen!” And I tried to explain it to them – at the time I failed miserably. Maybe I’ll do better with the explanation today.

You see, while my heart has set its goals; while it knows where it belongs and what sort of a life it would best be suited to, there are still aspects of my reality that I have to deal with right here and now due to decisions that I made yesterday (or years ago) that were not in alignment with that vision for my perfect life. Those decisions have created situations and have brought people and circumstances into my life that may not be part of that picture of perfection, but they cannot simply be tossed aside either.

Yes, there are some people, who would drop everything to pursue their heart’s desire; who would drop all of their responsibilities and obligations to pursue that perfect but elusive life. But that is not something I can do. Not yet. You see if I did that; if I dropped everything and went out looking for it; once I found my ‘perfect life’, it wouldn’t be perfect any more due to all of the pain and drama I had to go through and that I put other people through in order to get there.

What I can do is to stop being something that I am not. I choose to be exactly who and what I am at every moment of every day.

This is perhaps one of the hardest things to do; ever.

Go ahead, try it. Close your eyes and picture that perfect life. Feel the love and the joy that course through you when you imagine yourself immersed in that life; the places, the people, the experiences that fill you up. Imagine how you respond to the people and things around you. Now open your eyes and take a good hard look at the life you are living. My guess is that most of it doesn’t match up at all.

Now, instead of moping about what you don’t have in your life; about what you are missing, instead of sighing and saying “I’ll just have to wait for heaven,” there is, as I said, just one thing that you can do to change it right here and now; one thing that you can do to bring that life that you were meant to live into existence and that is to change the one thing that you do have control over; yourself.

How? That’s easy. Stop trying to be something that you are not.

You’ve seen who you really are; that person that occupies that perfect life. You’ve felt how passionate and enthusiastic they are about life. You’ve experienced (if only in your heart and mind) the fullness and richness of the life that they lead. Now stop pretending that you are not capable of living that kind of a life right here and now and start making the kinds of decisions and taking the kinds of actions that they would take in the same situation; actions and decisions that would support and encourage that perfect life and not a continuation of the life that you are currently living with all of its drama and angst.

It’s really not as difficult as you may think. Actually, it only requires one thing; Attention.

Start paying attention to yourself; to your thoughts; to the beliefs that you incorporate into your life as a result of those thoughts, of the decisions that you make because of the beliefs that you hold and the actions that you take as a result of those decisions. Are these the thoughts and beliefs and decisions and actions of the person in your perfect life? Is this how your higher self would act in this situation? Is this a belief that would support that life that your heart yearns for? Is that a decision or an action that the person living that perfect life would make?

If yes, then go ahead; entertain the thought, accept the belief; make the decision and take the action. If no, then slam on the breaks. Do a 360 if need be and choose something entirely different.

Yes, you may get some astonished looks and some frustrated people who expected you to behave in the same way that you always have. But remember, this isn’t about them. This isn’t about fitting into their expectations or about maintaining the guise of you as the person they always thought you were. This is about being exactly who and what you are in order to manifest your perfect life.

It will not be an overnight transformation. Most of us (myself included) have far too much baggage stored up to be able to simply change things overnight. It is going to take time; time and infinite patience and the ability to see that baggage drop to the side of the road and not do the instinctive thing and pick it back up again but to let it go.

As you become more and more yourself you are going to lose things. You will lose the respect of individuals that you thought were your friends (but who obviously aren’t). You will lose influence with people who liked the fake you; that persona that you cultivated and who find your authentic self to be absurd or irresponsible. You may even find that relationships with people close to you crumbling because you are no longer living up to their expectations.

But remember, it is all a part of the process. And in truth, when it comes right down to it, it’s all about the process – all of it. Because even though your heart feels the pull of that perfect life, even once you find it, it is not something you simply have. It is something that you do; something that you are; something that you continue to be, voluntarily, on a day to day basis.

Yes, there are days when I become impatient; when I think that the life I was meant to live will never become a reality. Then I have to laugh, because I am LIVING the life I was meant to live. Each moment – including the impatient ones – is part of the process.

Each desire for something more; each longing, each yearning that spurs me on to thoughts and beliefs and decisions and actions that lead to change to bring those things into my life, each new person and experience that brings me another moment (or series of moments) to savor- it’s all a part of the life I was meant to live; the life I AM living. There is no ‘one perfect life’ out there waiting to be lived. What there is are a series of moments, each one complete and perfect in and of itself no matter if it contains joy and wonder or sadness and sorrow; each one lived fully and completely and in total awareness. THAT is the definition of a perfect life, and THAT is the life that I am living.

REDEFINING REALITY

Category: Mindscapes

Waiting for Home

An Honest Father’s Day Post

The Caterpillar Girl

Tectonically Divergent

How to Heal a Broken Heart

All Beginnings Are Hard

One Hand

Chutes And Ladders

Excuse Me, My Life is Waiting

The Dark Demon of Despair

All it Takes is Gratitude

The Dyslexic Mayan

Joy to the World and Pass the Eggnog!

Boiling Frogs

The End and the Beginning

Too Much Love and Not Enough

Always In Joy

A Perspective of Stars

I Surrender to Me

One Perfect Life

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