Tag: happiness

Toothpaste and Mud Puddles

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series1 Comment

puddles_380x220_1436058a[1]

Have you ever had a moment of such incredible happiness that you found yourself wondering “what did I do to deserve this?”  I have.  And that one question my friends, is a clear cut example of what a twisted culture we live in. You see, happiness is not something that you deserve.  It is not something that you can earn or that you acquire either by earning enough brownie points with a qualified deity or by collecting the appropriate number of box tops.  Happiness is something we are.  In fact, it is our default state.

Don’t believe me?  Spend some time around small children some time.  I’m not talking about school aged kids who are already knee deep in learning how to envy those around them for the things that they don’t have or for getting the ‘good’ seat on the bus.  I mean small children; babies and toddlers.

The average toddler has a better grasp on happiness than most adults on this planet.  Of course they haven’t yet developed reasoning or social skills and have more energy than the average power plant on a high production day and sometimes still have to wear diapers, but if you spend any length of time around them you will notice that when it comes to happiness, they’ve got it nailed down.  Their whole being radiates with happiness because they are entirely focused on whatever it is that they are doing; watching a caterpillar balance on a twig, jumping into mud puddles, watching a kitten play, squeezing all of the toothpaste out of the tube.

We have forgotten how to do this.  We have forgotten how to be happy.  We have forgotten how to radiate happiness with every particle of our being.  We have forgotten the joy of watching all that toothpaste curl out onto the counter.

We go along, day after day, year after year focused on our education, on our work, on providing for our families and on juggling bills.  And while that, in and of itself, is not a bad thing, when we begin putting aside our own happiness in order to better focus on these “more important” things we lose the knowledge of what it means to be completely and blissfully happy.

Humans are social animals.  They want to fit in.  They want to belong.  For millennia like-minded individuals have created villages and towns and cities and religions. They have created clubs and teams and organizations so that they could come together and socialize; interact; share their experiences as humans.

In a world that is marked by suburban sprawl and almost wholly bereft of any sort of social or cultural opportunities that you used to find regularly wherever there were large groups of people. This is why the concept of social media is so very addictive; it allows individuals all over the world to “belong” and to interact with other individuals.

While the concepts of “belonging” and “fitting in” are natural and part of the nature of things, it comes at a price.  The price can be steep, for many times a group or religion or organization has strict rules and regulations, things that you have to or cannot do in order to belong.  And so, in order to be accepted we give up pieces of ourselves; our individuality; pieces of who and what we truly are in order to conform to the acceptable standards of the group or organization.  Many times we give up the things that made us happy in order to be accepted by others.  We then have to spend years – sometimes entire lifetimes attempting to understand why it is that we are so unhappy and attempting to find happiness again, albeit within the structures of our adopted social group, which of course means that many people have and will continue to die unhappy and unfulfilled.

So how can we be happy again?  How can we possibly regain that selfless joy, that innate wonder of the world around us; the supreme happiness of jumping in the mud puddles; the sheer bliss of watching that toothpaste curl out onto the bathroom counter?

The first order of business is to accept that happiness is not an “earned” condition.  You are happiness.1

The second order is to remember what it is that makes you happy and do it.  Have you always loved the color and texture of paintings?  Pick up some small canvases and paints at a craft shop and try your hand at putting images on paper.  Playing in the dirt?  Try digging up a small square of yard for a garden, or plant flowers or vegetables in a pot if you live in an apartment.  Playing in tidal pools?  Try setting up a small aquarium.  Rainbows?  Hang prisms in any window that gets direct sunlight.

Thirdly; don’t apologize for being yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up if others laugh at you for going out in the rain without an umbrella, for blowing bubbles on the bridge during rush hour, for dancing madly to your favorite song when it comes on the radio, or laying out on the hillside to see the shapes in the clouds.

And finally, if you find someone with whom you can be completely and totally yourself, who not only enjoys your myriad facets but is aware of their own and who is not afraid to be themselves, cherish them, they are a rare gift, and believe me, the happiness that you will take in seeing each other’s total authenticity will be so incandescent that whenever you are tempted to think “what did I do to deserve this” you will instead find yourself thinking “what on earth took me so long to realize the truth?”

Joy to the World and Pass the Eggnog!

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

 

I don’t know about you, but this time of the year can be stressful for anyone who celebrates the season.  In fact, there are days when I feel that Ebenezer Scrooge had it right before the spirits ever got a hold of him, particularly the part where he tells the gentlemen collecting for the poor that “I wish to be left alone!”

Just think of all of the things that you are ‘expected’ to do.  There is the holiday decorating and the baking, the gift buying and wrapping and party planning.  Then there are the concerts and end of school performances and recitals and drama productions and work parties and neighborhood celebrations, church celebrations and the addressing of about a million greeting cards and all of this in the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

With so much to do and so little time to do it in (not to mention even less time to actually kick back and relax) is it any wonder why so many people get so stressed out?

Here is a question for you.  With all the expectations attached to the holiday season, is it possible to live authentically; to be exactly whom and what you are in spite of everything that you are expected to do?

The answer, of course, is yes.

No, this doesn’t mean that you have to become a Scrooge and lock yourself away behind walls of cynicism for the duration of the holiday season. What it does mean is that you take a good hard look at those responsibilities and activities that you have agreed to take part in and ask yourself whether or not they bring you joy.

If they DO bring you joy, then by all means keep them!  Yes, I know that baking four dozen cupcakes for your child’s end of school winter holiday party may not be a joyful experience in and of itself, but the look on their face when you walk into their classroom with the cupcakes may be worth every moment you spent in the kitchen.

On the other hand, if you find yourself dreading the very thought of attending one more Messiah sing along, then don’t go!  There is nothing that says that you have to say yes to every invitation issued during this time of the year.  There is nothing that says that you have to bake all of your sugar cookies from scratch.  There is nothing that says that you have to reciprocate every gift you receive with another of equal or greater value.

What it takes is weighing each agreement that you make; every invitation that you accept against how much joy it will bring into your life.

Does that sound selfish? Perhaps in a way it is.  After all, at this time of the year especially we are encouraged to think of others first; to put our own wants and needs aside in order to provide for the needs and wants of others.  But what never fails to astonish me is how anyone can expect that a person can keep giving and giving without every running out of energy.  It can’t be done.

In order to care for others we must first take care of ourselves, and one of the most effective ways to do this is to pay attention to our joy.  If everything that we do comes from our heart and brings us joy and happiness then each thing that we do for others – which we WANT to do for others – each thing we do for someone else that brings us joy will be magnified tenfold.

It won’t be how much we do, but the quiet intent; the joy inherent that will fill up our lives, and our hearts this holiday season and every day of the year to come.

 

 

How to Be Happy

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living SeriesLeave a comment

“Happiness is not something that someone hands you, like a sweater or a scarf.  It’s not something that you find hanging on some random hook and which can be ripped off of you by ill-intentioned people or ripped when it catches on a thorn of meanness or misunderstanding.  Happiness is something that you ARE not something that is done to you.  It’s like drinking a glass of water.  Once that water is inside of you it can’t be taken away.  It becomes a part of your body finding its way into every cell and molecule.  Of course you do have to choose to drink the water in order to reap its benefits.”  ~ SSHenry

Are you happy?

No, seriously.  Are you happy?  Do you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and hope in your heart?  Does your unfettered enthusiasm for life fallow you through the day and spill over onto those around you without you even trying?  Do you see the good in everything and hope for the best in every situation no matter how grim the circumstances may seem?

Yes, I know, I’ve just defined an optimist (or, as some people tend to call them, a Pollyanna).  You know the story of Pollyanna don’t you?  It is the story of a little girl who had every reason in the world to be unhappy.  She was an orphan.  She was sent to live with a cold and unfeeling aunt.  She didn’t fit in with anyone around her.  And yet, she always saw the good in everything to the point that she nearly drove everyone around her crazy with her relentless upbeat attitude.  People actually got upset with her because she was always so positive about everything.  This is probably because they have no idea what happiness actually is.

“Happiness isn’t optimism” a friend told me once when the topic came up in conversation.   But he was wrong.  Well.  Not totally wrong.  Unlike optimism which tends, at least in most people, to be a conscious choice (choosing to see the good in every situation), happiness is something that you are.  You don’t choose to see the best in every situation; you just see the best in every situation.  You don’t choose to be enthusiastic, you are enthusiastic.  You don’t choose to follow your joy, you are your joy.  This happiness radiates from every pore in your body because it is part and parcel of who and what you are.   Of course, before you can BE happy, you have to CHOOSE to be happy.

Confused yet?  It’s really not as difficult as it may seem.

You see, happiness is not something that someone hands you, like a sweater or a scarf.  It’s not something that you find hanging on some random hook and which can be ripped off of you by ill-intentioned people or ripped when it catches on a thorn of meanness or misunderstanding.  Happiness is something that you ARE not something that is done to you.  It’s like drinking a glass of water.  Once that water is inside of you it can’t be taken away.  It becomes a part of your body finding its way into every cell and molecule.  Of course you do have to choose to drink the water in order to reap its benefits  and there are always those who would rather let themselves become dehydrated rather than deal with the “sloshy” feeling that comes from a surfeit of joy and contentment, and this is where the concept of happiness being a choice comes in.

Like choosing to drink the water, if you choose happiness it becomes a part of you; diffusing through every system and cell in your body making everything run smoother and more efficiently.   It’s true!  The happier you are; the more enthusiastic and positive you are about what is happening in your life and the more content and productive you will be.

No, this does not mean that you ignore the bad things that happen around you or the mean and hurtful things that are said or done to you or even how much pressure is being put on you to accomplish certain things within a certain timeframe.  It simply means that once you have drunk from this fountain of happiness; once you have chosen to make it a part of you, you understand that there is nothing outside of yourself that can take it away from you.

No matter what is happening.  No matter what is being said.  No matter what is being done; you are happy.  This happiness may not always express itself in unbridled enthusiasm or excitement; it may at times simply be a core of peace and contentment that burns steady and bright inside of your heart keeping you warm even in the coldest of times.  But it is there, and it can make all the difference.

The Empty Shell

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series, My OdysseyLeave a comment

“You can’t ask a butterfly to scrunch herself back into her chrysalis or to go back to being a caterpillar just because you’d gotten used to her like that.  What’s worse is when you try to get her to go back because you fear the freedom given to her by her wings.”  ~SSHenry

There are some experiences; some moments in time; that change your life forever.  Perhaps for you it was a major life event such as the birth of a child, the death of a loved one or a close call that shook you right down to the foundations of your soul.  Or maybe it wasn’t a large event at all.  Maybe it was something much more subtle such as a kind word spoken when it was most needed; the touch of a lover’s hand or a breeze that not only ruffled your hair but stirred up something deep down inside you that simply could not be contained.

I’ve had many life-changing moments.  All of us have.  Sometimes it seems as if these moments come so thick and fast that they threaten to overwhelm you.  At other times you feel as if your entire life is on “pause” and all of the moments having stepped out for a drink or something.   At some points in your life it is as if the moments of realization and wonder and change are so few and far between that you’ve pretty much forgotten what they are like before the next one begins to play itself out and have to remind yourself what exactly it is that you are dealing with each time you encounter it.

My most recent (and not surprisingly most profound) life-changing moment to date came the moment that I walked into my house after a two month absence and realized that there was no way that I could go back to being the person I had been when I walked out that door eight weeks earlier.

The details as to why I ended up gone for two months (illness in the family) or what happened while I was gone are not important.  Yes, I had some interesting experiences while I was off on my own for two months dealing with unexpected issues and meeting people I might not otherwise have encountered. But what really matters is that for two solid months I was detached from the life that I had been living up until that moment.

For two months I was separated from all of the small niggling everyday details that we label “reality” and which demand our attention and catch us up in layers upon layers of drama and expectation; layers that we gladly pull around us like a cloak and call “life.”

For two months I was free of those layers.  Getting rid of them was not pleasant. They got stripped away from me rudely leaving me rather raw and feeling as if I had been flayed alive and then washed down in salt water and I felt as if was being completely inundated with issues and problems and responsibilities that I really didn’t want to deal with at that moment in time.

But the point is that for two months I was not just a wife.  Nor was I just a mother or a daughter taking care of her own mother.  For two solid months – I was me.

Just me.

I was not free of obligations or responsibilities (caring for a sick family member brings with it its own responsibilities and expectations).  But for two months I was free of the obligations and responsibilities and expectations in which I had wrapped myself up for the last 22 years; those responsibilities and expectations that come from being a wife and mother and homemaker extraordinaire.

For two solid months was completely and totally myself.

It dawned on me as I was driving home, to wonder just how I would ever be able to go back to living my old life.  But when I pulled into the driveway and saw my house for the first time in eight weeks; when I walked through the door and took one look around me, I knew that it was patently impossible.

I can’t go back to the way things were; ever.  The person who lived that life is gone.

I could feel the shell of her; that old me; waiting for me around every corner.  “Come on” she whispered, holding out the old life as if it were a soft but comfortable pair of sweat pants. “Don’t you want to slip back into this?  This is where you are comfortable.  This is where you belong.  Life doesn’t get any better than this.”

“Oh yes it does sweetheart” I whispered back “you have NO idea!”

You see, the old life has a lot going for it.  There are many things that I would like to keep and incorporate into my new reality, but not if it means having to go back to being the person that I was.  The person I have become cannot possibly fit into that old skin. Not without giving up who and what I have become.

It would be like asking a butterfly to scrunch back into her chrysalis.  Or better yet, to turn back time and become a caterpillar again.  It’s not going to happen.  I could pretend, but I’m tired of pretending.

I am simply going to be myself.

My whole self.

I will start again.  Here.  Now.  As myself.  If that is not enough, or more likely if that is too much, then so be it.  I have wings now baby. There’s no reason for me to go back to crawling when I can fly.

Living in the Moment

On By Just StephIn My Odyssey, Touching the InfiniteLeave a comment

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.  ~Buddha

When I first heard the phrase “living in the moment” I found myself laughing sadly and shaking my head at the gullible fools who would buy into something so inane.  Live in the moment?  What fool would settle for living in the moment?  Man oh man, talk about boring!

I didn’t want to live in the moment.  What I wanted was to live my dreams, to achieve my goals; to make something of myself so that when I died the world would remember me!  Forget about this living in the moment stuff. Obviously it was a cop out by those who hadn’t done anything with their lives; people who perhaps had once dreamed big but who had failed to follow through and were now regretting it; something to fall back on in order to make themselves feel better.

I knew better.  I knew that if you wanted to be anything in life; if you wanted to make something of yourself, you had to remain in control; not only of yourself but of everyone and everything around you.  Leaving anything up to chance was just plain foolishness.

If you wanted to get anywhere in life you needed to focus on your goals and break your projects down into small steps that you could accomplish and then, when all of the steps were completed, presto, your goal would be achieved.  Well, that was the plan.  And hey, it worked for businesses, why not for me?

There was just one problem. The goals that I had set for myself were not in alignment with my soul purpose.  Hell, I didn’t even know what my soul purpose was.  I had created a nice neat fiction for my life; a belief that when I attained a specific level of financial security or professional achievement that I would, at last, be happy. Well, that was the plan anyway.

And so it was that even when I had achieved each goal there was always something missing.  It was like baking a cake.  I’d followed the steps – added all of the ingredients in the proper order – and had a perfect cake sitting in front of me, but even though it looked perfect, it didn’t taste quite right.  What had I done wrong?

Over time, however, I have discovered something; I found out what was missing, and it was far simpler than I could have imagined and all the more difficult because of that to implement.  What I was missing was living (dare I say it?) in the moment; enjoying what I had already achieved without the expectation of what came next; of what I could do better next time around.

For all of my lists and my schedules; for all of my hopes and dreams and plans; for all of my visualization and projection; without being able to step aside and get out of my own way I ended up with a picture perfect cake that had little if any flavor.

This isn’t to say that we can’t dream.

This isn’t to say that visualization will not bring you your heart’s desire.

All this means is that we need to take the time – right now – to enjoy the moment that we spent all of our yesterday’s dreaming of and visualizing.  It is the enjoyment of the moment that we have created that brings us the flavor of our days. And it is here, in the quiet of appreciation and the letting go of expectation where we will find that happiness has been waiting patiently for us all along.

 

 

Living In The Moment

To take each day as it comes

To live each moment as it arrives

To hope for nothing

To fear nothing

To expect nothing

Makes each moment a priceless gift;

A gift from the universe

Straight to your heart

A gift to be treasured and adored

A gift to be enjoyed, experienced

And then released.

~SSHenry

 

The Hive Has You!

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical Mussings1 Comment

Forget the Matrix.  It is the Hive that has you!

Ah, the idealization of bees. What a simple life they live; born with a purpose etched into their very fabric of being, a bee never questions its lot in life (well, not unless it’s a Disney bee, but that’s a whole different breed).  It simple does what it does, devoting its life to the hive and never questioning what it is that it was meant to do.

But when it comes right down to it, it is hard to be a bee. For one it’s a short life.  The lifespan of the average honey bee is only 28-35 days.  That’s it.  That is the lifespan of a worker honey bee. From the time the adult bee emerges from its larval cocoon a bee has roughly a month to live, and what does it do with its life?  It collects nectar which is turned into honey or pollen which is then turned into bee pollen or royal jelly.  The honey is collected to see the hive through the winter; the bee pollen and royal jelly is to feed the young bees that will soon be taking over the jobs of the current crop of workers.

From an individual perspective the bee doesn’t do much with its life at all. But from the hive’s perspective, the life of each individual bee is incredibly important with each bee’s role as a worker vitally important to maintain the life of the hive, and there is nothing that is seemingly more of an anathema to today’s humans than the thought that they might be living the life of a bee; working for the greater good of some larger group purpose and without the benefit of developing an individual identity or having a life to show for all of the hard work that they do.

There have been science fiction movies made about hive mentalities; horror stories where a person is absorbed into a larger consciousness and looses their independence and individuality, becoming a mindless automaton with no thought in their head except to conform to the expectations of their society.

There is just one problem.  We are already there, and most people don’t see it as a horror story at all.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, we have the illusion of freedom and independence and individuality; lots of choices of things to buy and entertainments to pursue and even of religions to follow; but just try doing something outside of the accepted parameters and see just how far you get before you are removed from the hive, or at least banished to the fringes where you don’t have the opportunity to take part in the active life of the community.

But even the thought of a society that has relegated us all to the status of worker bees; locked into our lives and expected to work tirelessly as productive members of society until we drop and are replaced with others; even that is not the true horror. The true horror is that we’ve chosen this. No, we haven’t just chosen it.  We’ve created it.  We wanted it.

We wanted it so badly that we willingly established rules and regulations and political procedures to keep it in place; we’ve created an education system that encourages young people to give up their individuality and creativity in exchange for economically productive jobs that they detest but that will pay the bills.  We’ve encouraged a society where productivity and usefulness is measured by one’s paycheck and one’s purchasing power.

It would be different if, instead of a hive mentality, we had chosen instead to establish a system of community; a society where each individual is accepted and valued for their uniqueness and their contribution to the richness and diversity of the whole.  In that sort of a society working for the good of the whole is not something to be feared; it is not something that will strip you of your energy and your individuality and leave you lying all alone in the mud when your economic usefulness to the society is at an end.  Instead it will encourage and promote individuality and creativity as the building blocks of a truly productive society; one that values all of its members for what they bring to the table, regardless of how large or small of a role they play.

Then again, just because we’ve lived in the hive does not mean that we have to die there.  Maybe it’s time for the bees to leave the square boxes of hives and designated Queens that have been provided for them by societal expectations and to establish the kind of thriving bee community that would make Disney proud.

The Lesson of the Red Rain Boots

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

“Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby”

~ Langston Hughes

When my daughters were small, I remember a day when I had taken them out for lunch.  While we were inside eating it started to rain.  This wasn’t just a pleasant summer afternoon rain shower, but a full-on wash-the-skies-clean kind of torrential rain; the kind that leaves everything soggy for hours afterwards; even the air.

It was still raining (though not quite so hard) by the time we left the restaurant and both of my girls were squealing in delight at the sheer number of puddles in the parking lot.  Some of the puddles, I noticed, were as large as small ponds, and probably just as deep.

Pausing to open my umbrella after a warning to both of the girls about keeping their feet dry, I let go of my youngest daughter’s hand for an instant, and a moment later she was knee deep in a puddle, giggling madly and splashing like a duck.  With a cry of warning I snatched her out; wrung out her dress as you would a washcloth and, after admonishing both of them (again) to stay out of the puddles because we had a long ride in the car ahead of us, we slowly made our way to the car; navigating around puddles and trying for the dry spots. Or rather I was trying for the dry spots.  Both of my daughters were angling for the puddles and my shoulders were starting to get sore from pulling them back.

We were about halfway across the parking lot when I noticed a brightly colored figure headed in our direction.  It was a woman; an old woman.  With her pure white nimbus of hair and a face lined in a thousand wrinkles, she looked like one of those dried apple head dolls that the pioneers used to make.  But it wasn’t her age that caught my attention, nor was it her attire (she was dressed in a bright yellow rain slicker, red rain boots, a purple rain hat).  What caught my attention was that she was making a point not to avoid the puddles, but to jump in them.

I stood there – stunned; unable to tear my eyes away, though I could see from the corner of my eye that both of my girls were watching her with absolute awe and rapture.

Finally, when her puddle jumping brought her to within a few feet of where I stood, she realized that there was someone in front of her and paused in her puddle jumping long enough to look up and meet my eye.  The stunned expression on my face must have amused her, because she grinned from ear to ear and then threw her head back and laughed like a loon.

“Aw sweetie,” she said to me finally – a grin still in her voice – it’s not as bad as all that.  Really, I’ve been waiting all my life to do this!  You’ll see.  One day you’ll jump in the puddles too.”  And then, with another grin for me and a wave for the girls, she had passed us, and life went back to normal. Well, almost normal.  I didn’t have the heart to keep the girls out of the puddles after that, and it was a long and soggy trip home.

But even now, years later I can’t get that woman and her bright red rain boots out of my mind, for how far do most of us go to avoid what we perceive as the negative things in our lives?

Honestly, I know that dealing with negative people and negative situations is unpleasant – and something most of us will avoid like the plague if given the chance, but how do we know that those puddles of negativity haven’t been put in our way for a reason? How do we know that we aren’t supposed to go through them instead of around them?

Who knows, those puddles might not even have been put in our way for our own experience.  Maybe, just maybe, someone on the other side of the parking lot is watching us; someone who has been avoiding negative situations of their own because they don’t have the courage to face them.

And maybe, just maybe, when they see you splashing through those problems in your red rain boots and laughing like a loon, they’ll find the courage to do something that they’ve never thought possible.

Rediscovering Your Personal Power

On By Just StephIn Authentic Living Series1 Comment

We are all have personal power; we were born with it. It is our right, our heritage as spiritual beings; as individuals with a direct connection to our divine self. So why is it that so many of us suffer from a lack of personal power?

First, let’s get something clear, by personal power I am not talking about the amount of charisma you have; the amount of power you can exert over others in getting them to do what you want them to do or in any sort of position or social standing that you can hold up and use as a guideline or definition of power.

By personal power I am talking about the power within; the power that dominates and controls your will; the power that motivates you to continue to learn and grow and become; the power that fuels the knowledge of your right to exist; that reinforces the fact that you deserve to be heard and, most importantly of all, the understanding that you deserve to be happy.

Ha! Caught you out with that last one, didn’t I? No, I don’t want to hear it; I don’t want to hear your excuses about happiness being dependent on the happiness of others or what you can do for someone else or your current situation.

By happiness I’m talking about YOUR happiness; doing those things that make you grin from ear to ear, listening to the music that makes you want to dance, using the colors that make you warm inside, reading those things that fill your heart with joy and being with those people who make you feel expansive inside.
You can know that you have the right to exist, you can understand the fact that you have the right to be heard, but how many people truly believe that they have the right to be happy?

Think about it. I’m not talking about content people here; calm people; people who have come to grips with their lives. When I talk about happiness I’m talking about those people who glow; whose happiness is such an intrinsic part of their lives that you can hear it in their voices and see it in their eyes. Their vibrancy; their love of life comes through in every aspect of their being.

Chances are you can count the truly happy people you know on one hand. But why is that? Could it be that we live in a society where it is a standard part of our culture to use self-sacrifice and powerlessness as a means of fostering social cooperation?

In fact, a person who believes that they have the right to exist and that they have the right to be heard can fit in with others in a society with absolutely no problem whatsoever, but the moment that individuals attempt to follow their own definition of happiness, they become deviants; social outcasts who are looked on with a general distaste because they do not fit with societal norms of what is acceptable and pleasant.
Every time that we ‘give in’ to family expectations, societal demands or religious dogma simply to keep the peace and make things more pleasant for everyone, we are signing away a piece of our own happiness and, more importantly, a piece of our own personal power.

Think about it, every two year old understands their right to existence, their right to be heard, and their right to be happy. They not only understand it, they demand it. Unfortunately the acceptable response is to train the child into submission and docility in order for them to become “acceptable” to society in general. We are taught to “submit” to the demands of our families, our communities, our churches, our governments regardless of whether those things that we are expected to do fit in with our definition of happiness or not.

For over two decades we are taught to put aside our own hopes and dreams and instead to give in to the expectations of society and, while some of us may have our bouts of adolescent rebellion, chances are by the time we hit our mid-twenties we have learned our lessons all too well and one morning wake up to find ourselves in a dead-end relationship with a job we hate and are saddled with beliefs that we no longer can claim as our own.

Unfortunately, by the time we wake up to the pointlessness of our lives and to just how we’ve been manipulated by our system the chains are firmly in place. We have children, bills, obligations and responsibilities all of which are tapped deeply into our reserve of personal power and that serve as tethers or anchors keeping us firmly in place; that keep us doing the ‘right’ thing out of fearing of losing everything that we have built up.

So how do you break the cycle? How do you regain your personal power; admitting not only the right to exist and to have your voice heard, but the right to pursue your own happiness and, even more importantly, to live your own happiness? It starts with one word – acceptance.

When I speak of acceptance I am not talking about submission; about giving in to the demands on your personal power. By acceptance I am talking of acknowledgement.

In order to regain the full-strength of your personal power, the first thing that you need to do is accept or acknowledge the fact that you are NOT happy.

That’s a hard one, because we have been taught that our happiness is dependent on our status or social position or what other people think of us or how much we own or are able to produce or what job position we hold. We’ve forgotten all about those things that bring us joy; those experiences that leave us full to bursting with wonder and mystery and a feeling of rightness deep inside your soul.

Once you have accepted the fact that you are not happy the second step to reclaiming your personal power is in getting back in touch with what it is that makes you happy; the things that you do that you do with passion; those experiences that make you joyful and those people that touch the very core of your soul.

Of course it is not enough to simply admit that you are unhappy and to get back in touch with those things that stir up the happiness inside of you, you then have to reclaim your personal power by putting it to work in your life; by living authentically and bringing your life into alignment with your soul purpose. Then and only then will you have rediscovered your true personal power and will be able to take your first step into the life that you were always meant to live.

I’ll Meet You There

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about

~~Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Can you imagine it?

Can you imagine a world where we’ve stepped beyond the need to classify things as “right” or “wrong” and instead live so completely from the heart that we are in total synchronization with the universe’s plan for our lives, even if the life we live goes completely against social conventions?

What couldn’t we do?

What couldn’t we be?

How much of the misery and despair around us results from people trying to be something they are not? How much of it stems from living up to our societies expectations of what we are supposed to be?  How much of it results from people giving in to the pressure of friends and family to be “responsible” and “practical” to put aside their dreams in order to “grow up?”

I have asked this question before and gotten answers that, taken together, amount to this:

“But people have responsibilities.  We have obligations.  We have jobs and families that are depending on us.  Our communities, our societies expect us to behave in a certain way.  To just run off in pursuit of a dream; something that may or may not pan out; to pursue our own happiness regardless of the cost; that’s not being responsible, that is taking a risk, and not just with our own happiness, but with the happiness of others.”

Well, here are some questions for those who would hold this to be true:

Do you not also have a responsibility for your own happiness?

Do you really think that you can ever be truly happy as long as you know that you are not living up to your potential?

Do you really think that those who love you would not applaud you for doing what feels right and becoming the person you were truly meant to be?

Do you really think that it’s better to put away your dreams and be responsible, but to always know down deep in your heart that there is more to you than what you have settled for?

How much has the human race lost because someone with a dream responsibly put that dream aside in order to live up to their own or someone else’s expectations?

And finally (yet most importantly), what does your heart tell you that you should be doing?  What do you find your innermost soul yearning for? Are you content or do you find yourself seeking for something else; something more?

It is only in the deepest part of your heart that you will find the answers to these questions, and only there that you can find the strength to answer them honestly and then take whatever steps are necessary to bring your life into alignment with your soul purpose.

It is not an easy thing to do.  And no, it does not mean that you have to leave your family or give up your job or shirk your responsibilities.  This is something that goes far deeper than that.  Of course if you are honest with yourself; if you truly want to bring your life into alignment with your soul purpose; if you commit yourself to living from your heart then things are going to change.

When you can finally be honest with yourself and admit that you are not living from your heart; that your life is not in alignment with your soul purpose; when you finally commit to living authentically and are open to what your heart is telling you, things will change. It can’t be helped.  But you won’t have to force them.

As you listening to the promptings of your soul; as you learn to act on the instincts and impulses that it sends to guide you.  You will find your life becoming richer; deeper; more authentic than anything you could possibly have imagined.  But you will also find that many things that you thought were important; many things you thought you couldn’t do without will start to fall by the wayside. Desires, wishes, plans, ideas, beliefs, friendships, relationships; each and every one of them will be subjected to the same test of authenticity.  Some will survive the test.  Others will not.

Regardless of what does or does not change, your life will never be the same again.

And one day, one day you will be able to walk past the concepts of rightdoing and wrongdoing; smiling at them as you pass them by, and find yourself in that field where the person you have become will be able to lay itself down and bask in the wonder of what it truly means to live authentically.

And there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.

Expectations as a Stumbling Block

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

“The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.” 

~ Eli Khamarov

You have been planning something out – you’ve made plans and arrangements and have been getting excited about the upcoming event then something happens; something that throws a wrench into the works and the plans are canceled. How do you react?

Civil rights activist Eliot Larson once said that “Anger always comes from frustrated expectations,” and he had a point. I’ve met people who go absolutely berserk when confronted with a disappointment, others who sulk or get depressed, and some few who are able to shrug it off and move onto something else. Which begs the question, what, exactly, ties us to the outcomes of certain situations?

Why is it so important that something happen in the way we’ve been planning out? And why do so many seemingly attach all of their hopes and dreams to these expectations and get so worked up about it when they don’t turn out the way that they expected?

Attachment is the answer and the key to this question.  We are not content simply to let events unfold as they are supposed to, but insist on trying to shape events to meet up to our expectations.  The thing is that everything is happening exactly as it is supposed to; without our help.  We simply have to trust that the universe is arranging events in the way that they are supposed to happen and listen to that inner voice before we take any action and trust that it is leading us in the direction in which we are supposed to go.

When we do this, all the bumps and kinks go out of our lives and things start falling into place with an alacrity that some may find alarming, but also exhilarating, for finally you are living the life that you are supposed to live.

But it is not only events that we attach our expectations to. We also tend to attach expectations to individuals. We build them up in our head as being a certain thing, and then, when they don’t live up to those expectations; when they do or say something that shatters this illusion, we snap, accusing them of being or doing something that has absolutely no basis in reality.

The worst part about attaching personal expectations to an individual, however, is when you accept the unrealistic expectations that others have of you; when out of fear or obligation you attempt to live up to their hopes and dreams of you (or for you) even if those hopes and dreams are not your own.

To do so is probably the worst thing you can do, for when you take on others’ expectations for you, not only do you cease to grow yourself, but you also stunt their growth, for by relying on you to do or be certain things for them, you keep them from discovering the true extent of their own personal power. Perhaps it was Frederick Perls who summed this up most succinctly when he said “I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.”

Sound selfish? If you adhere to society’s definition (which relies heavily on individuals plugging themselves into a particular slot and then fulfilling the expectations of that definition), then yes, it is selfish.  But if instead you adhere to the wisdom of the universe and are listening to its guidance in your individual lives, then you will be able to say with the Dali Lama:

“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.”

And in opening yourself up to the true nature of reality; to the true nature of the universe, you will find yourself living a far more authentic and meaningful life than anything you could have dreamed up for yourself.

The Bluebird of Happiness

On By Just StephIn Metaphysical MussingsLeave a comment

Dragons will wander about the waste places, and the phoenix will soar from her nest of fire into the air.  We shall lay our hands upon the Basilisk, and see the jewel in the toad’s head.  Champing his gilded oats, the hippogriff will stand in our stalls, and over our heads will float the bluebird, singing of beautiful and impossible things, of things that are lovely and that never happened, of things that are not and that should be.” 

~ Oscar Wilde

Dragons – Basilisk’s, hippogriff’s….unicorns…all things of fairy tales; or so we’re told; creatures from our fantasies; creatures that preside over our dreams; creatures that haunt us when we are drifting somewhere in that world that is halfway between waking and sleep.

But dreams are just that, aren’t they? Just dreams? Or are they, in the immortal words of Walt Disney “A wish your heart makes when it’s fast asleep?”

And perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps that is why the deepest most desperate desires of our heart remain just beautiful and impossible things – things that are lovely and that never happened – things that are not and that should be.

Perhaps they only reason that these beautiful and impossible things have not become a part of our reality is because we don’t listen to what our heart is telling us.

We refuse to act when our heart urges us to take action.

We hush our heart when it presents us with desires; with hopes and dreams that do not fit the life that we have crafted for ourselves.  We smile at them wistfully; smile and tuck them away, far away where they will not intrude on the reality of our everyday lives, and in denying them we may ensure that our lives remain steadfast and constant; predictable and manageable, but in denying them we also deny the very essence of who it is that we are.

And those things that we dream of deep in the dark and secret places of our heart remain forever a mystery, a pretty dream, too good to be true, too beautiful to be possible, and so we go forever wondering just what might have been, and whether or not the bluebird’s singing is not just a pretty distraction, but instead a message straight from our souls; a message for us to open our eyes; to open our minds; to open our hearts before it is forever too late.

And perhaps we have the power to do just that; to acknowledge the bluebird and to open our eyes to the possibilities that lie all around us – and especially those things that lie buried in our hearts and minds and souls; bringing them to light at last, and letting them soar free and usher us into a future better than we ever could have imagined.

©Stephanie S. Henry 2012