soul evolution – REDEFINING REALITY

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
~ William Blake

Learning to listen to that still small voice inside your head; that prompting that tells you whether or not the decision you are about to make is the right choice for you is at the very core of living authentically, but learning to listen takes time and patience and, most of all, it requires that you are not only aware that it is speaking to you, but mindfulness of what it is that is being said. But what exactly is mindfulness?

Defining Mindfulness

“Mindfulness” says Jon Kabat-Zinn, “means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, In the present moment and non judgmentally.”

While these are simple enough words, putting them into practice in one’s everyday life can be another story altogether. Think about it – how often to you pay attention to something that is happening around you – right here and now – purposefully –and without judging it?

In order to understand mindfulness, let’s take the simple concept of eating. Everyone eats. But how many of us eat mindfully? That is to say, how many people pay complete and total attention to the food that they are putting into their mouths as they are putting it in? Are you noticing the flavor and texture of each mouthful? Or are you scarfing down your sandwich while you sit at the computer scrolling through your emails and simultaneously making a grocery list of things you need to pick up on your way home from work? Better yet, if you DO pay attention to the food that you are eating, chances are that you are judging it (this is wonderful/horrible/disgusting/too salty/too sweet/delicious etc.). It is not until you can purposefully sit down to a meal and focus entirely on your eating; every aspect of your eating (the look, the scent, the flavor, the chewing etc.) and not make any judgments on it (too hot, too cold, too sweet or sour) that you can say that you have experienced mindful eating. So too it is with every other aspect of our life.

It is as if we are continually going through life with those red correcting pens that teacher’s use and giving every experience a grade: A+ for great sex, D- for vindictive co-worker B- for interesting (if long) sermon etc. We can’t seem to keep our own opinions out of the mix and simply enjoy the things around us; the experiences, the people even, for whom and what they really are. Not only that, it is as if we feel that we can’t really be living unless we pack as much “doing” into any one time frame as is humanly possible.

Perhaps this is some sort of residual fallout from the corporate obsession with the increasing of productivity through time management, or maybe it has something to do with the old Puritanistic adage that ‘idle hands are the devil’s playground.’ But in western societies it is rare to find those who appreciate the wisdom in holding our minds still enough – long enough – to observe those things that are happening around us and to us for exactly who and what they are without attaching expectations to them, but mindfulness (as well as its sister meditation and it’s cousin awareness) are looked down on and even ridiculed throughout much of western civilization as being practices that are unproductive and without any real purpose.

The Purpose of Mindfulness

But there IS a purpose to mindfulness, and that is to bring your mind to a level where it can actually hear the voice of intuition; the guidance of that higher self/higher power that will help you to make the decisions that will bring your life into alignment with your soul purpose.

Think of mindfulness as a sort of practical meditation. Instead of sitting still in one place and attempting to quiet our minds we focus our attention on experiencing what is happening to us – and around us – in this exact moment in time; seeing it all, feeling it all, experiencing it all without attaching any sort of expectations, and in spite of what you might think, practicing mindfulness really isn’t as difficult to master as you might think.

Five Tips for Mastering Mindfulness

Like any other skill that you acquire, mastering mindfulness takes time and patience. But most of all, it takes patience with yourself; with realizing that you are not going to shed the conditioning of a lifetime in just a few days or weeks. But there are some tips that might help you to learn to focus.

The One Minute Rule. When you are just starting to learn to be mindful, there is a great technique that can help you learn to focus, and that is called The One Minute Rule. If you have a cell phone alarm, set your alarm to go off hourly. If you work at your computer, have an alert message set to draw your attention on an hourly basis. When the alarm rings turn it off and spend one minute (sixty entire seconds) focusing on what you are doing right here and now. If you are sitting at your desk, bring your attention to your body. Can you feel the chair you are sitting in? Can you feel the cloth against your legs? Are you aware of your body posture? Try closing your eyes and doing a slow scan of your body from top to bottom taking note of how your body feels, then focus on the scents you are smelling, the sounds you are hearing, the piece of paper you are holding in your hand. Note all of it. Don’t judge it; don’t get caught up in it. Just take note of all of the sensory input that is coming in right here and now. Doing this one minute out of every hour will help steer you towards being able to practice every day mindfulness.
The Rubber Band Reminder. Another great technique in learning mindfulness is to wear a rubber band on the wrist of your dominate. This can either be a plain old rubber band or a hair band, as long as it is elastic. Make sure that it’s not too tight (you don’t want to cut off circulation. Now, every time you see the rubber band, give it a snap; and every time you snap the rubber band let the snap bring you to the here and now. Take a deep breath and note what is happening right here and now. How you are feeling, what you are hearing etc. You can use this technique in addition to the One Minute Rule, because the goal is eventually to be entirely aware of where you are and what is going on around you at every moment in time.
Food Focus. One of the best times of the day to practice mindfulness is (big surprise) when you are eating. It is a fact that most people in western society do not take the time to eat their food mindfully, so why not devote one meal a day to mindful eating? No matter which meal you choose, sit down at a table or desk or bench where you will not be interrupted either by a phone, people, incoming emails or anything else. Do not use this time to read or write or chat. Instead, focus entirely on the food that you are eating. See the food. Feel the food. Taste the food. Chew it thoroughly. Learn what it means to savor your meal.
Full Body Focus. Once a day find a quiet place where you can stretch out full length on the floor. Not your bed – the floor. Settle yourself onto your back, close your eyes, then start at your feet and work your way up, consciously relaxing each muscle group as you come to it. First relax your toes, then your ankles, your calves, your thighs, pelvis, stomach, solar plexus, hands, arms shoulders, neck and head, working your way all the way up. Once you are completely relaxed, let yourself ‘melt’ into the floor and feel the carpeting or flooring beneath you. Feel the slight breeze in your hair as the cat walks by; hear the creak in the floorboards, the gurgle of the water in the pipes. Doing this once a day can really put you in touch with your body and teach you things about yourself then you could possibly imagine.
Object Focus. If possible, once a day focus on a single object for a full five minutes. This works best if you use an object from nature as there tends to be more depth than the manmade (though there are, of course, exceptions). So pick your object. Let’s use William Blake’s wildflower. Make yourself comfortable, and then narrow your entire focus to the flower in front of you. See it, feel it, let your gaze fall into it. Note how the petals fold back, how the edges turn under, how the pollen has formed on the stamen, how the leaves curl around the blossom. Note everything about it. Try not to judge it. Try not to form an opinion about it. Simply experience it exactly as it is. Let it be.

While there are other techniques, these five can get you started on your way to mastering mindfulness. And remember, by practicing everyday mindfulness we can slow our minds down long enough to not only be able to appreciate the world around us, but to actually be able to hear our intuition; that still small voice whose guidance will bring our lives into alignment with our soul purpose and will set our feet on the road to true authentic living.

We all have someone in our lives that drives us absolutely crazy, someone who, every time they speak, makes you cringe, someone who hurts you with what they have to say – or the way they treat you – or the way they react to you, even though they may not be intentionally doing so.

Most people consider these sorts of persons “trials” or “burdens” or perceive them as some sort of test, something to overcome.

Well, what if that person – the most difficult person in your life – is actually your highest teacher? What if that person is the person that was put in your life TO HELP YOU?

What if you thought of that person not as someone you can’t stand; someone who you barely tolerate, but as a great spiritual master? What if it were true that the person that represents the most difficult part of your life is someone from who you have vowed to learn something, regardless of the way in which they teach it?

Think about it…great spiritual teachers can be very difficult. They do not spend a lot of time stroking their students’ egos. They are much more concerned with helping their students let go of the parts of themselves that prevent them from seeing their own divinity, and although the methods that they use to get the message across may seem like selfish actions designed to purposefully annoy.

Great spiritual teachers are often unpredictable, unreasonable and irrational. They regularly engage in behaviors that defy logic and that make you come up with solutions that you otherwise might not have considered. The guru is notorious for putting their student in a “no-win” situation so that they can learn that the only way they can find happiness is to release their attachment to opinions and preferences.

Does this sound familiar? It should, for each of us are given great spiritual teachers to guide us on our way; to bring into focus those aspects of our own lives that need the most attention; the most fixing.

Re-perceiving this person (whether they are family, a friend, a partner, an employer, co-worker or even a stranger) as a potential teacher opens up an entire new perspective on life. It can truly make us take a fresh look at the person – not as a person – but a message from god; a directive from the universe; a teacher sent to us specifically to teach us what we most need to learn.

So when does it end? When is the lesson ‘learned’? When can we move on to the more interesting stuff; the people and interactions that we actually enjoy and want to be a part of? Does this mean that we simply have to tolerate those people that we find the most difficult? That we are stuck wit them? Is our lesson learned when we can deal with the crap that they dish out and not react to it?

Oh no my friend; it is far more than simply tolerating or not reacting. If we are open to instruction; to direction from a higher source; from our higher selves; we will find that when it comes to these greatest of teachers, we have to surrender.

Ha! I felt you cringe. You don’t like that word, do you? Surrender has bad vibes for most westerners; it reeks of giving up independence, individuality and control; of submitting your will to the will of another, of losing a part of yourself. Of no longer being YOU. But in this situation, you couldn’t be more wrong.

Surrendering to your greatest teacher does not mean that you give up and let them have their way with you; that you become a doormat for every insult they throw at you and submit to their lack of trust or their hurtful words. No, in this case submission means that you in your mind you acknowledge them as your teacher and embrace the lesson that they are giving you and in so doing open yourself up to instruction and correction.

So the next time that you find yourself hurt by another’s words or actions do not react to them. Surrender to them. Allow yourself to feel the pain that is caused by their words or actions. Feel it fully. Where does what they are doing or saying hurt you? Can you feel it as a physical pain? Does it hurt in your heart, your mind, your gut? What emotions does it generate? Does it make you feel angry, sad, betrayed, annoyed, disgusted?

Pinpoint the pain; the emotions. Take note of them and allow yourself to feel them, even if it is uncomfortable, for only in experiencing the true nature of these feelings; this pain; can you gain understanding of what the pain and emotions are in reaction to, and only in understanding can you begin to find the answers that the teacher sets you.

Something you will inevitably ask yourself as you work your way through this is “what happens when I’ve learned my lesson? What happens when I have worked through the issue that this particular teacher was sent to teach me?”

The answer is actually quite simple. Once you have learned the lesson; once you have worked through the issue, the person’s part in your life will be over. Either they or you will move on and their influence over you and your reactions and attraction to them will dissipate.

Yes, I know, that gave you pause didn’t it? It is a hard concept to wrap your brain around, especially since some of our biggest teachers in our lives are those we are closest too; parents, children, spouses, partners, friends; and the idea of simply not having them in our lives anymore may seem unbearable and painful in its own right, but in truth it is not so bad as all that.

Consider the parent/child relationship. We have our children, we raise them, nurture them, provide them with everything that they need to learn and grow and become, and then we ALLOW them to learn and grow and become. If they learn and grow and become what we had in mind for them, life is wonderful. If not, we may be disappointed, and it may make us a bit sad if they choose a different way; if they don’t live up to their potential, but we know that we have done our best and that now it is time to let them live their own lives.

A healthy parent/child relationship will allow for this with the parent still caring for the child; still a part of the child’s life, but allowing the child to go their own way; to find their own meaning and purpose even if it is not what we would have chosen for them. There comes a point in time where, no matter how much we love them, we have to let them go.

The same concept applies to every great teacher in our lives, regardless of whether we consider them to be a teacher or not. No matter how close we are to them; no matter what we have shared. If the lesson they had to teach us has been learned and the time has come for them to move on and learn lessons of their own; to find teachers of their own, then we must allow them to do so. This does not mean that they will never be a part of our lives again, that is impossible. They are a part of us and always will be. It simply means that their part in our story is through.

This can be seen as a very ungrounded way to live; never considering anyone or anything to be a permanent part of our lives; of our existence; but the truth is that until we find the person or persons with whom we are destined to have true soul partnerships (with each partner giving and receiving equally and consciously in a particular relationship) the relationships that we enter into – for whatever reason and with whatever intentions – will wither and die by the wayside as the purpose for them is fulfilled, and to cling to them will only make everyone miserable.

The good news is that when we have learned our lessons; when we have come to an understanding of what this particular teacher had to teach us; our true soul partners will make an appearance. Whether they are individuals with whom we will be friends; work partners, or even lovers (or all of the above) we cannot be with them, fully and completely, and will not be ready for the sort of mental and emotional intimacy that is required in order to maintain these extra special relationships, until we have worked our way through those issues that our great spiritual teachers have teach us.